He is the half of me who pushes me to keep going. As I get depressed easily, his job seems to be to electrocute me with his probe every once in a while, to keep me from dozing off into nothingness.
Some would call him the Higher Self, Kundalini, or the Holy Spirit. I call him different names because I can’t seem to be able to settle for one in particular.
To me, Higher Self sounds like a meditative state of quietness where not much is happening. As for Kundalini, it looks like a snake that rises inside my vertebral column. I don’t feel comfortable knowing that a reptile dwells in my body. As for Holy Spirit, it appears to be a dove or a halo that makes me feel guilty for not going to church.
I like to think of him as a living person, not a thing. So why not call him Jesus? Here is my answer to that question: To me, the name Jesus has become the property of the christian churches and of christians in general. I don’t feel comfortable using that name because it already belongs to an exclusive group of people. If the man is still alive today, as they claim, no institution has the right to take possession of him or of his name. So I avoid using that name. (Sorry Jesus, I’m sure you understand and won’t use it against me.)
So today I came up with a new name for him: The Inciter. I like it and here is why:
First of all, the Inciter is a person. He is conscious and alive, awake and aware. He watches me and cares. He’s on the alert when I am not. He incites, which means that he stirs up, he rouses, he excites something within me. He probes constantly. I always imagine him as an angel or an alien. This way I get some great visuals when he moves, acts and reacts around and through me.
The Inciter has become such an intimate part of my life, I now feel that he’s the other half of me. My better-half, which is an interesting term, as it also means a very close friend or companion, a spouse, or even better: a lover!
What exactly does the Inciter do?
Today, he incites me to write. And writing keeps me breathing, keeps me alive and kicking.