Today someone liked a blogpost I wrote over 10 months ago. It’s the one entitled My Frigging Loved Ones. So I reread it. Something struck me. This sentence:
“I noticed that I started to transform and I’m afraid that if ever I decide to come out, no one will recognize me.”
When I wrote “to come out” I was not referring to sexual orientation. But now I’m looking at my recent posts, and it seems to me that this is what’s happening.
I’m a bit disappointed because this is not what I expected. When I wrote it ten months ago, I was referring to coming out of my cocoon. Hopefully with wings. Like a butterfly. I was thinking of death and resurrection, not a switch in physical attraction to people.
Is this what my metamorphosis was all about from the beginning?
– Relationships are what allows you to discover yourself.
So relationships are very important in the process of personal transformation.
Interesting… I never realized that there was such a close connection between sexual orientation and spiritual development.
I feel the need to come out. At least on my blog. This morning I read another blogger’s post and I feel called to do the same as her. But at the same time, I don’t think it matters much. I don’t think it will have an effect on anyone else. Some readers might be turned off. But I’m going to do it anyway.
Here it goes:
I am bisexual. Sometimes I am physically attracted to a male. Sometimes I am physically attracted to a female. Sometimes I am attracted to both. Sometimes I am attracted to none. At this moment my attraction leans toward males. I’m sure it has something to do with the disappointment I am currently experiencing regarding my last intimate relationship with a female.
To me, sexuality is about intimacy. Getting close to someone physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. It’s not just about physical pleasure, but also about the joy of sharing on many levels. We never know what a relationship can bring. Sometimes it’s pleasant, sometimes it’s not. But one thing is certain. Relationships stimulate self-discovery and growth. Therefore, who I choose to be intimate with matters much.