When was the last time I panicked?
I think it’s when I imagined myself reconciling with my wife and then the two of us making love.
After I had this thought, there was a pain in my stomach. I felt my guts twisting. My intestines turned to mush and I had to run to the bathroom. This is what happens when I panic.
I don’t quite understand because it was not a bad thought. Maybe this shows how much our relationship has deteriorated. Or maybe it shows how afraid I am of getting close to a person I don’t trust.
Is this what survivors of abuse call a trigger?