Cherophobia

Cherry1

No, it’s not the fear of cherries, but the fear of happiness.

I think I might be suffering from this a little bit.

After coming out, feeling ready, willing and able and tumbling, I realized that there is a deep-rooted uneasiness within me when it comes to potential pleasure or happiness.

I think I know exactly where it comes from.

Whenever I experienced great happiness in the past, it always seemed to be followed by great despair.  So I have developed this strange belief that in order to avoid heartbreak, I must avoid being happy.

The result is depression.  A self-inflicted condition due to a state of mind.

I am just becoming aware of this now.  It’s quite disturbing.  I’m not sure what to do.

Whenever I realize something, I write it down.  This is how I give it a form and shape.  I find it easier to tackle after it becomes visible, observable and describable.

Cherophobia:  aversion to happiness.  There is some of it within me.

I’m sure the universe will take care of it.  If this is something that should be kicked out of my belief system, then let the butt-kicker step forward.  I welcome him.  Or her…

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9 thoughts on “Cherophobia”

  1. “Whenever I experienced great happiness in the past, it always seemed to be followed by great despair.  So I have developed this strange belief that in order to avoid heartbreak, I must avoid being happy.”

    I am the same. Everytime I laugh so hard, in my mind “I have to stop” or “Something bad is going to happen” because Im laughing. 🙁🙁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m the butt-kicker hahaha.
    Sometimes, by the things we’ve been through, we start to tell ourselves that we are not worthy of happiness. In my case it was being LGBT and having been raised catholic haha, it told me that I wasn’t worthy of happiness because I felt like my feelings were wrong.

    These, are irrational thoughts, Albert Ellis came up with the theory, he’s one of my favorite psychologists..anyway… off topic. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, who is worthy of being happy? and if the answer is “everyone” then why can’t we? it’s a process, but it’s completely normal, specially when it can feel like the rest of the world is against us.

    Stay strong. We weren’t put on this earth to be miserable, we’re here to enjoy it and be happy.
    All the love.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This sounds to me like depression, but I don’t agree that depression is a state that is self-inflicted. It has a lot to do with biochemistry and other things beyond your control, so please don’t be hard on yourself. I like your approach of writing stuff down. It helps me a lot to and if I can be of any help to you, I would be honoured. Harlon

    Liked by 1 person

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