If you are not bored, then don’t read this post because it contains only boring thoughts from a bored person.
What could I do that is worthwhile, fun and useful, on this rainy day?
Don’t bother suggesting anything that requires movement, because I can’t move.
I’m disabled.
Never told you about my disability, did I?
*sigh*
Ok, I’m going to tell you:
One day, I lost something. One day I had it, and the next day it was gone. Things have never been the same since that day. It happened in 1999. On the 10th of June. That day, I lost my balance. I don’t even know what caused it.
Most people don’t even realize that they have balance. But when you lose it, holy shit…
Without balance, you can’t walk. I had to re-learn how to walk. But the worse thing was what followed: depression. I mention depression in many of my blogposts but not what caused it.
This disequilibrium makes me feel a little drunk most of the time. So if you ever wondered why my posts were unbalanced, now you know. My balance system is broken and it can’t be fixed. You want the technical details? Boring! But this is a boring post so I’m going to tell you.
The sense of balance is in your inner ear. Ever heard of equilibrioception? Me neither. We all think we have only five senses, but we have more. The sense of balance is one of them and it is definitively being taken for granted.
When the sense of balance breaks down, it causes dizziness, disorientation and nausea. Motion sickness if you will. It sucks. I said earlier that I couldn’t move but it’s not true. I can move as much as I want, but it makes me feel sick. The more I move, the worse it gets. I feel like I’m going to vomit. Loud sound also affects it for some reason. When there is too much noise, I feel like barfing.
I learned to live with it. I had no choice. I can walk but running is out of the question, unless I want to get hurt. I feel best when I don’t move and all is quiet. Boring, isn’t it? This is my life. I write because I don’t move much, so I think and dream a lot. I don’t like watching TV so I have to use my imagination to find satisfactory entertainment. What else can I do? Oh, I read also, but I prefer to daydream and write creatively.
So this is my disability.
What is yours?
Metamorphosis 
I think you might like books by Dr. Sachs, like “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat.” He works and writes about people with different senses of perception. We studied it in a health studies course I took in college. It was really, really interesting. Also, Temple Grandin, “An Anthropologist on Mars.” Stories of people who have alternate ways of knowing/sensing the world and find fulfillment.
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Interesting. I’ll check this out. Thanks!
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He’s actually Oliver Sacks, have you seen the movie “Awakenings”?
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No I haven’t.
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Check it out and let me know what you think.
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I was reading this post when I saw a comment from you dropping in my box. You are such an amazing person with a wonderful spirit. I encourage you to shine on and move the mountains.
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Again, thank you. Your words uplift my soul.
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My disability is falling in emotions unable to come back without hurting my inner balance 🙂 we all loose our balance in one way or other…I love reading boring stuff as interesting things are very boring 🙂
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My disability is similar, yet different. I move constantly, but only in the house. Yep. I have reached the level of social anxiety & depression, i rarely leave the house.
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I just read your “About” page. It made me laugh. So not sugar-coated. I like it. We have something in common.
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I might have to read about me again to. I’m so multi-faceted. I’m sure you are to. To much time by oneself makes one colorfiul
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Your last paragraph really hits the nail. I also feel like my life has become a “waiting room.” Waiting for this hell to end.
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Oddly, even though, if I could talk to teenage me, I’d tell her to stick it out. She’s gonna have the best dog someday.
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I never had thought of balance as the 6th. sense, but it makes sense – and balance itself can be a lot of things. Being disabled in that sense, I would imagine, effect you emotionally, physically and balance. I seem to read a lot of quotes, and I myself have probably used the word a lot in my blogging, but balance is a place we seek. I hope you find YOUR balance, and then keep it. I’ll hit post comment now before I start trowing myself or you off balance 🙂 Harlon
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Ha! Ha! It’s too late now, Harlon. You’ve already thrown me off balance and I thank you. Might as well go all the way in my unbalanceness. A full swing might actually re-equilibrate everything, who knows.
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