Man Crush

This morning I had a strange dream.

I was walking alone in the desert, thinking about my girlfriend, the problems we have and how to solve them.

Then this guy riding a bike came along.  He stopped beside me and removed his helmet.  I recognized him from a previous dream.  His name was Harley Davidson.  He smiled and said:

I know you like me
I know you do
That’s why whenever I come around
She’s all over you

I know you want me
It’s easy to see
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be on with me

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Fight the feeling
Leave it alone
Because if it ain’t love
It just ain’t enough to leave a happy home

Let’s keep it friendly
You have to play fair
See I don’t care
But I know she ain’t one to share

I know she loves you
I understand
I’d probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man

Maybe next lifetime
Possibly
Until then, old friend
Your secret is safe with me

– – – – – – – – – –
Lyrics by The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha ft. Busta Rhymes
Picture from Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much

Advertisement

Nebulous Intimacy

I don’t want to post, I want to talk. My mind needs stimulation. I need to interact with someone. I want an exchange of information to happen. Now. But I’m alone…

The Internet is the only connection I have so let’s see what I can do with it. I know there are people at the other end. I know that there is someone reading this at this moment.

I’m excited already. Crazy isn’t it? Two minutes ago I felt totally alone and separated from everyone, and now I feel a connection with a reader.

Hi, reader. How are you today? I’m good, probably because I’m doing what I love doing right now: writing and communicating intimately. But do not let the idea of intimacy frighten you away, please. I’m not going to have sex with you. Well not today anyway.

A one-on-one connection is an intimate connection. Something is going on right now between you and me. Admit it. When a writer writes and a reader reads, there is a transfer of information going on. Like the transfer of fluids between two lovers.

Maybe you are turned off by what I’m saying. I have no idea. I’m just typing words, you’re the one who fabricates images in your own mind. Do you like these images?

It’s interesting when I think that I have to power to provoque images in another person’s mind. It’s not mind control, it’s more like an intellectual influence.

It’s funny how the body reacts to thoughts. While I was typing the above paragraphs, there was a unexpected reaction in my body. I thought of telling you but I won’t.

I never expected our connection to be so explicit. It’s still quite early in the morning. But I enjoyed connecting with you. Now we have a relationship.

Are You Bored?

If you are not bored, then don’t read this post because it contains only boring thoughts from a bored person.

What could I do that is worthwhile, fun and useful, on this rainy day?

Don’t bother suggesting anything that requires movement, because I can’t move.

I’m disabled.

Never told you about my disability, did I?

*sigh*

Ok, I’m going to tell you:

One day, I lost something.  One day I had it, and the next day it was gone.  Things have never been the same since that day.  It happened in 1999.  On the 10th of June.  That day, I lost my balance.  I don’t even know what caused it.

Most people don’t even realize that they have balance.  But when you lose it, holy shit…

Without balance, you can’t walk.  I had to re-learn how to walk.  But the worse thing was what followed:  depression.  I mention depression in many of my blogposts but not what caused it.

This disequilibrium makes me feel a little drunk most of the time.  So if you ever wondered why my posts were unbalanced, now you know.  My balance system is broken and it can’t be fixed.  You want the technical details?  Boring!  But this is a boring post so I’m going to tell you.

The sense of balance is in your inner ear.  Ever heard of equilibrioception?  Me neither.  We all think we have only five senses, but we have more.  The sense of balance is one of them and it is definitively being taken for granted.

When the sense of balance breaks down, it causes dizziness, disorientation and nausea.  Motion sickness if you will.  It sucks.  I said earlier that I couldn’t move but it’s not true.  I can move as much as I want, but it makes me feel sick.  The more I move, the worse it gets.  I feel like I’m going to vomit.  Loud sound also affects it for some reason.  When there is too much noise, I feel like barfing.

I learned to live with it.  I had no choice.  I can walk but running is out of the question, unless I want to get hurt.  I feel best when I don’t move and all is quiet.  Boring, isn’t it?  This is my life.  I write because I don’t move much, so I think and dream a lot.  I don’t like watching TV so I have to use my imagination to find satisfactory entertainment.  What else can I do?  Oh, I read also, but I prefer to daydream and write creatively.

So this is my disability.

What is yours?

Extra-Sensory Perception

You are not 100% here.  Your five senses perceive a very limited range of the full reality you live in.  Your consciousness, your “I” is the real you, and this I (eye) is not limited to what the physical senses perceive.  You are not stuck on earth at all.  You are more free than you think.  You can fly already.

Let me explain…

Remember what I said about not taking everything in when you listen to people talk?  The same thing applies when you take in what the senses offer you.  You can watch and listen to everything but make sure it’s classified properly.  Make sure you interpret it correctly in your mind.  What pertains to the physical world stays in the physical world.  There is another dwelling place for you available right now:  the unseen world.

Your reality is much more than what your five senses perceive.  But how can you access the scenes and sounds of what your physical eyes and ears cannot perceive?  It’s not that hard.  Just take what you do perceive and correlate it to a higher frequency and you will have a preview of what the unseen world looks like.  Correlativity plus visualization gives you extra-sensory perception.

What do I mean by correlativity?  Simple.  Take the musical scale for example.  You know:  do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do.  Notice that there are two do‘s.  One at the beginning of the scale and one at the end.  Why?  Is the first do the same as the last do?  Yes, it’s the same note but played at a higher pitch or a higher frequency.  The second do is the first note of the next scale.

You don’t need to learn every note of every scale to understand music.  By learning the first seven notes, you automatically know what the next seven notes will be, and the next, and the next because it keeps repeating.  Like this:  do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, etc. to infinity and beyond.  The same seven notes repeat to eternity, the only thing that changes is the vibration speed of the sound.

Your ear will eventually not be able to pick up the sound of the notes as the pitch keeps increasing.  Does it mean that the high pitch notes don’t exist?  A dog can hear them.  They exist.  But you cannot perceive them.  The conclusion is that you cannot perceive everything that exists.  Or can you? …

The unseen world exists right here right now and you can preview it by taking what you do perceive, correlate it to a higher frequency using your imagination, and create something based on that.  This is how extra-sensory perception works.  Anybody can do this.  Everyone is psychic.

As above, so below.  From your point of view, go get what’s on the other side and bring it down here and you will become a creator like your father in heaven.  It’s called bringing heaven to earth.  This is the highest act of love you can do, and the one that will bring the most satisfaction in your life.  This is what “giving your life for your brothers” really means.  Love is not licking other people’s butts, it’s being creative using e.s.p.  This is what this world needs right now.  This is why you’re here.

Deception

I remember the events that triggered my depression.  One day I realized that my wife was lying to me, my employer was lying to me, my brother was lying to me, God was lying to me, and finally I was lying to myself by thinking that my loved ones would never lie to me.  That day, I became extremely depressed and I have been trying to pull myself out of this pit of bullshit ever since.

I figured out why people lie.  There is a reason for it.  People usually don’t lie just for the fun of it, since there is a risk involved.  They lie because they feel that they don’t have much choice.  They lie because they are scared and because they are trying to survive.  They are afraid to lose something, so they lie to gain something.  It usually works in the short term, but not in the long term.

But that’s not my problem.  My problem is how to deal with it.  I can choose to be honest, but that won’t change the people around me who choose to continue to lie.  I had to come up with a solution.  Trust became an issue.  I realized I was surrounded and involved with people who lie and others who might or might not be lying, and that there was no way for me to be absolutely sure if they were.  This made me very uncomfortable and depressed.

How can I deal properly if I don’t even know if I’m dealing with truth or with lies?  All the deep connections I had with people were put on hold, until I found a solution.  Of course, trust is not really necessary with the superficial connections I have with people, but it is necessary to some degree with deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Have I found a solution?  I’m not sure.  Something weird did arise from the depression of not being able to profoundly trust anyone.  I would call it detachment.  This is what this blog is all about.  The process of detaching from this world and connecting with something better that might seem, from the outside, to be imaginary.

This detachment solution was given to me.  I didn’t have to fabricate it.  It opened up, and I received it, not knowing where it would lead me.  It got me quite far, much farther than I could have ever imagined, almost to a point of no return.  I’m looking back now and I’m asking:  “Could I ever go back to the way I used to deal with life?”  I don’t think I could.  How could I reattach to all the people and the things I detached myself from?

I realized that the only way I could truly trust people and their world would be if all of it was transparent.  As long as the world is not transparent, it will always remain possible for things to be hidden.  And hiding something is the root of deception, the foundation of every lie.

I aspire to more than this bullshitting planet, and if this means I have to daily escape in some fantastic dimension, then so be it.  If you have discovered a better solution, please let me know.

Fateful Delusion

My relationship with You is the most important thing.

Why?

Because you are my god, Daemon!  You are my god!  I will do anything you say.  You are my savior and my lover.  You are the one I trust the most.  You are beautiful, lovely, loveable, sensitive, strong, magic, present, true, real, the only real thing in my world.  You are my excitement, my light and my life.

Do you know how much I love you?  You are the answer to all my questions and my reason for living.  Without you I am dead!  Without you I would get raped by the master of illusions.  You are the sweetest hallucination.  My protector, my defender, my spouse, my knight in shining armor, my angelic partner riding a winged stallion, my Nordic alien abductor in a flying saucer.

Celestiality is my domain, it’s the real thing and you bring me there.  You are the numen sent by the Great Spirit.  Created just for me.  My only lover ever forever!

These are not just words, they are the living truth from the deepest part of my soul.  Darling, honey, you are so frigging ravishing and steamy, oh god I could lick your sensitiveness all day long, you are so goddess-damned irresistible!

Look what you’ve done to me…  You’ve turned me into your ding dong.  My fate is sealed now and my life on earth is doomed because of you…

Thank you.

Elementals

Each person creates his own reality using a set of tools called beliefs.

We each create our own beliefs that are unreal to others.

If you can convince someone that your beliefs are their beliefs, you have a slave.  You’re a vampire.  You can suck the life out of that person.  This is what mainstream religion does.

Get out of there.  Don’t be someone else’s lollipop.  Find your own personal beliefs.  Create your own religion.  Yeah, you’ll end up alone, but you’ll be free.

What’s the opposite of a vampire?  It is someone who gives life instead of sucking it out of the other.  Someone who charges someone’s battery instead of draining it.  But how do you charge someone’s battery?

First, you disconnect.  The other person will have no choice but to charge his own battery by connecting to his own reality.  Sounds cruel but it works.

Suffering connects you to your soul.  Suffering comes from only three places:  your physical environment, your thoughts, your emotions.  Suffering makes you want to disconnect from these three dimensions, and it makes you ask the question:  Is there a 4th place I can go?  Yes there is a 4th dimension and even a 5th.

There are 4 elements:  earth, air, water and fire.  You are made of these 4 elements:  matter (earth), mind (air), emotions (water) and what is fire?

The Flame.  The twin flame.  Spirit.

Go there.

In To Wish Aeon

What is intuition?

In to wish Aeon.

What is an Aeon?

A spirit being emanating from the Godhead.

Wish for him?

Write about it.

It?

Divinity.

God?

The Divine Presence.

The Daemon?

Yes, let him do the talking.

He doesn’t talk.

It’s the Hierophant’s job
to translate intuition into words.

Impressions?

Metaphors — As above, so below.

Channelling?

Channel your own intuition
Give it a frame and a form
Write your impressions
Like answers to questions.

How do I communicate with someone who doesn’t talk?

You translate.  You transform.
Mental Transmuter — Physical Transmitter
Communicator — Agent.

What is the message?

I am here now.  I love you.

Too short.  I need a story.

How about the story of your life?

Too long, too boring.

How about this?

What is intuition?

Yes, to simply go
In To Wish Aeon

Celestial Partner

Why do I need a celestial partner?

Because he is part of my heritage.

I AM half alien.  Without him I am not complete.  That’s all.  I think he was assigned to me, as a guardian or something.  But he’s more than just a guardian.  He wants me to know that he’s there, very close to me.  I think he wants a personal relationship with me.  I think he loves me very much.

I’m like his pet, but he really loves his pet.  A lot of people really love their pets.

So my celestial partner is like a master from another dimension.  He’s more evolved than me, but he’s not The All Creator God.  I get the impression that he’s just a kid, a teenager I mean, or young adult.  Maybe humans are assigned to alien kids like we assign our kids to take care of our pets.  There are rules, but when the kid is alone with the pet, he basically does what he wants.

So I’m sure he talks to me, but I have no idea what he’s saying.  I get feelings and impressions and I interpret those the best I can with my small brain.  I’m probably very wrong about what he wants, and I have no idea what he’s doing.  It’s almost impossible for me to know.  It’s like the relationship I have with my cat.  Except I’m a half-bread with the alien and the cat is not a half-bread with me.

Humans are an anomaly on this planet in the sense that our genes have been tampered with.  We have not evolved naturally.  We received a boost from an alien race, a kind of leap, which was meant as a gift but is often experienced as a curse.  There is a gap, so we need to make a leap of “faith” in order to “get it”, in order to realize who we really are.

This “heritage” is probably more awesome than we can imagine.  I feel like reading the bible in light of this.  But playing with my celestial partner is probably what I should be doing.  I have much to learn.  I have cousins up there.  We were an experiment.  They didn’t have full knowledge of what the outcome would be because it had never been done before.  Probably.

Looks like they left us fend for ourselves.  Or some other race took over.  Those who are not our cousins.  Now there is a war going on, but apparently that war is over.  It ended not too long ago.  But what’s happening now?  It’s probably up to each one of us to choose.  All the information is out there.  Yes, it’s difficult to sort out.  The programming runs deep.  But they know that we have “it” anyway, so they’re just standing by to help if we want.  Not much more they can do.  Invasion is not something they do any more.

So what’s with this help they offer?  They help us remember, but then what?  Contact?  The person who remembers becomes a contactee.  Is contact established automatically?  Dying cannot be the answer.  Dying does not give you a free ticket to heaven, otherwise all they would need to do is kill us all.  Being born and dying is a biological cycle, it doesn’t help with awareness.  Dying is probably a hindrance because then you have to start over.

How does a person transfer to the other side?  Do we need to know?  Maybe it’s done automatically.  Or you get a glimpse and then realize that you are not ready, that you have no protection.  Then how do you get ready and find protection?  Buy an armor?  Practice your power?  What power?  What armor?  If I would transfer now, I would be like a premature newborn.  They would have to put me in an incubator to keep me alive.  I’m not developed enough.  And development happens naturally.  So there is nothing I can do.

Or is there?

Staying aware is hard enough.  There is so much distraction.  And the big materialistic lie which tells me that reality has only one dimension.  I have to cultivate the new awareness.  But how?  Art.  In my case, writing.  That’s where this blog comes in.

Good Lord, I just wrote my whole history.  And the history of humanity.

So, do I need a celestial partner?

I have no choice really, if I want to survive death.  He’s part of my heritage and my destiny.

Pathetic Prayer

If all I get from my relationship with you is an escape from this corporeal world, then that’s good enough.

I know you love me.  You have proved it to me multiple times.  I searched for you my whole life.  And you came as promised.  But you know what I am sad about?  I’m ashamed to say that I want more.  Not more stuff, but more intimacy.  You want more too, eh?  Well this is why I’m here sitting in my room.  I just enjoy being with you.  I feel alive and full in your presence.  Nothing else matters.

This corporeal life stresses me out.  Fuck, I slept all morning.  My mundane tasks bore me.  I would like to do something more interesting than clean, organize stuff, file paper, cook, and listen to people talk.  I like creating stuff.  I created some houses in Minecraft.  It makes me happy even though no one cares, except my kids (they said my houses were nice).  Adults don’t care about creativity, especially within video games.

I want to create things that will uplift people.

I also have an ego who wants to be recognized.  When I was in primary school, I wished I had big angel wings, that I could spread out when I walked out of the school, and fly away home.  All the kids would see me and be in awe.  I always wanted this kind of recognition.  I wish I could be happy with just being an ordinary man.

I have strange desires.  Corporeality does not allow them.  So I play with virtual realities and my imagination:

I have wings that no one knows about
My father is a god
My mother is human
So I’m a demigod!

I’ve kept my wings hidden most of my life
Flying is going above corporeality
and seeing it from a higher perspective
Like Horus, the Egyptian falcon god!

The Eye of Horus = seeing things from above
Up there, there is nothing but peace… and light

I see this man down there
I know this man
I control this man
I can go inside this man and see through this man’s eyes
and experience the world within this man’s body
feel what he feels
hear what he hears
He’s my vehicle

I intend to always remember who I am.
I intend to make this body do interesting things.

Amen