Why are you following me?
I am not any sort of leader. What if I lead you astray?
Anyway, thank you. I feel like Jesus, LOL!
You are forcing me to view myself as a guru. Ok so I will pretend to be one and speak like one. A-hum! Here goes:
Welcome, my child.
The path I propose is… (how can I put this)… politically incorrect.
What I suggest is this: If you are suffering from depression or any other so-called mental illness, do not fight it. Embrace it. Feel the pain to the extreme. But don’t kill yourself of course. I think you can take it.
Within the pain, there is a hidden surprise. But it’s at the bottom. You have to reach the bottom. The deepest part of the pain-pool is pure hell. Perhaps you’re there already. Or maybe you are not quite deep enough yet. You’ll know once you get there. At that point you will be saying to yourself: “It cannot get any worse than this.”
I don’t know what the surprise will be for you. It’s a personal surprise, custom-made just for you. I have no idea how long it will take you to find it. A day, a week, a month, a year, maybe 10 years. It depends on you, and on your willingness to dare do the undoable, think the unthinkable or believe the unbelievable.
No one else can do it for you. No leader or friend can accompany you there. It’s a private, lonely journey within the darkest part of yourself where you and the future you meet. There will be a connection. A meeting. An immersion and a communion. As simple as a dialog or an exchange of gifts of some sort. It will be a timeless moment where future meets present. An embrace. A revelation.
Sorry I can’t be more specific. It’s impossible not to speak in parables at this level. The words I use to describe the experience are not the same as the ones you would use to describe the same experience. So I have no choice but to be vague.
Suffering is not a punishment. It’s a door. Don’t be afraid to go through it.