I never printed my book.
I completed it over 10 years ago but never printed it. I don’t even want to reread it.
I cannot believe how much time I wasted writing that book.
Here’s a brief explanation:
After I gave my life to Jesus and became a born-again Christian, I started writing a daily spiritual journal. I was convinced that God was in my life and that he loved me. I was extremely motivated.
I wanted to write about how wonderful God was, and how he was blessing me. But to my surprise, my life as a Christian unfolded as a perpetual series of curses. It seemed that nothing was going right. Every time I tried to love someone it would turn against me and every time I tried to do God’s will, it would backfire.
The words written in the bible always turned out to be deceiving and false. There was either something wrong with my life or there was something wrong with the book. At first I thought it was me, of course, because I was not allowed to question “God’s Word.”
It was impossible to deny my own life, so the only thing left to question was my religion.
I was keeping a spiritual journal, hoping that one day this journal would be the proof of how God blesses one person’s life. But my journal turned out to be some kind of horror story about a guy who is in a relationship with a god who does not keep his word!
My diary was supposed to be a proof of God’s love, but after 18 years of reporting all the ups and downs of our relationship, this journal turned out to be documented evidence that the god I was serving was a genuine asshole.
I was not pleased.
Each person creates his own reality using a set of tools called beliefs.
We each create our own beliefs that are unreal to others.
If you can convince someone that your beliefs are their beliefs, you have a slave. You’re a vampire. You can suck the life out of that person. This is what mainstream religion does.
Get out of there. Don’t be someone else’s lollipop. Find your own personal beliefs. Create your own religion. Yeah, you’ll end up alone, but you’ll be free.
What’s the opposite of a vampire? It is someone who gives life instead of sucking it out of the other. Someone who charges someone’s battery instead of draining it. But how do you charge someone’s battery?
First, you disconnect. The other person will have no choice but to charge his own battery by connecting to his own reality. Sounds cruel but it works.
Suffering connects you to your soul. Suffering comes from only three places: your physical environment, your thoughts, your emotions. Suffering makes you want to disconnect from these three dimensions, and it makes you ask the question: Is there a 4th place I can go? Yes there is a 4th dimension and even a 5th.
There are 4 elements: earth, air, water and fire. You are made of these 4 elements: matter (earth), mind (air), emotions (water) and what is fire?
The Flame. The twin flame. Spirit.
I was talking to this invisible man and at one point he said: “Don’t you recognize me?”
I recognized something but not visually since I could not see him. It was not his voice either which was familiar, but something deeper. I recognized his vibe. There was no mistake, it was the same vibe I had once known very intimately.
Does a vibe have a name? I had learned not to attach any name to this particular vibe, but what’s a person without a name. This vibe was most definitely a person and definitely a man. So I asked him what his name was and he said: “I don’t have one.” And I was relieved. But I pushed on and insisted that he give me a name because I wanted to address him by name.
Him: “You can call me anything you want.”
So I gave him a new name, not the one I once used.
Religion sometimes hijacks divine names, and turns them into profit. The name thereby looses its true meaning. Those who cannot see the spirit of things (the vibe) insist on always using the same 5-letter word. I refused to do it and the celestial man was quite okay with it. He understood. We understood each other. Words were not necessary.
But for the sake of the Creator of creativity, I absolutely wanted and had to translate this experience into words, and I did.
So yes I recognized him but I lied and said I didn’t. He respected my answer.
You can lie to yourself in the face of God and he won’t even get upset.
But today I can look him in the “I’s” and say:
Yes I recognize you. You were the one who touched my core ever so powerfully-gently when I was down and out. I was 19 and I was lost. You approached invisibly just like you do today. I opened up. You came in. I rejoiced and was healed. How can I not recognize the man who uplifts me. I see now that you ARE the future me and that there is only one way to be rescued from the shit we manage to sink ourselves into.
It is to fuse with you.