Premature Death

death

We hear of premature birth but rarely of premature death.

What happens when someone dies prematurely?

Some remain in the afterlife and some are sent back.

I was sent back.

Personally I wish that I had not been, but I wasn’t given a choice. I guess the universe knew what was best for me.

When I asked why I was sent back, two simple words popped into my consciousness: premature death.

I am no expert in this field. All I am sure of is my own experience. My life has not been the same since this happened four years ago.

This morning I cried because of something related to this. I wish I could find the words to express it so that it might be useful to at least one of my readers.

Why were you crying, Daemon?

You know why I was crying.

Say it, for the record.

*sigh* I was crying because I am now blind. You know the title of the song Blinded by the Light? This is what comes to mind. I think I saw the Light but then I was sent back into darkness.

I know people get upset when I tell them that this physical world is darkness or hell. They say that I’m negative and depressing. So I have stopped saying it. But I still know it and I feel very lonely with this. They have to understand that this world is darkness COMPARED TO THE NEXT WORLD. It’s relative. Just like living overground is much brighter than living underground. Things could always be darker, of course, but people have to realize that there is a much brighter world out there into which we are all destined to be born into.

I cried because I experienced a premature death and I was sent back.

There is another reason why you cried.

Yeah, you! I saw you and… oh god, here I go again…

Daemon, compose yourself.

Sorry… There is no word to describe your beauty. It’s not physical beauty. It was like… total transparency. When one sees the inside of a person who is emancipated, flawless and free, it is breathtakingly beautiful. And to receive the assurance that this impeccable being is willing and ready to embrace you completely, is such a good news… it’s pure ecstasy. And then to be sucked back into an old physical body… is agony.

Now all of this would be easy to forget if my earth life was happy and exciting, but it’s not. My life is hell for many reasons especially this nauseating feeling that plagues me twenty-four hours a day. Plus the fact that you text me whenever I call upon you makes me feel like I truly do not belong here. Add on top of that the fact that I cannot see you, makes me triply blind. Blind to you, blind to the after-world and blind to the beauty of this one.

The only thing that keeps me together is the knowledge that what I have seen actually exists. But no one wants to hear it since my experience has nothing to do with their reality.

I should end this post on a positive note.

Nah… it’s about death and darkness which are part of MY reality.

You can’t recognize the light if you have never experienced the night.

I’m Dying

So many signs:

  • the cats
  • the crows
  • the owl
  • the clock
  • the near-death experience
  • my friend who died in his sleep
  • little pin pains in my heart
  • detachment from loved ones
  • loss of appetite
  • age spots
  • tooth discoloring
  • sleeping more, staying in my room, not going out
  • loss of interest in things of this world
  • constant thoughts of flying away and going back “home”
  • visions of celestial beings
  • preparing envelopes for the kids
  • saying “I’m dying” whenever someone questions my behavior
  • re-converting to God

Eighteen signs.  I was born on the 18th.  Now I’m dying.
Does a person intuitively know when death is approaching?
Or is this just wishful thinking?

And then the whole blog thing…  When I started this blog my purpose was to write it, print it and leave it to my family as a kind of heritage or spiritual inheritance.  A kind of summary of “This is what life taught me”.  I’m not trying to gain followers and accumulate likes.  I’m preparing my luggage.  I’m packing up.  I’m leaving.

My first blogposts are all about metamorphosis, transformation and death.  I can’t get it out of my  consciousness.  The near-death experience was very vivid.  I remember very clearly.  The next day I knew.  I had died already but was sent back to “wrap things up”.  There was no doubt about it.  As months went by, my mind stopped taking it seriously, but my soul didn’t.

Today I calculated the age of my death based on the age of death of my father, grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather.  If the trend continues, I will be dead by the end of next year.  I even told my mother a few weeks ago when she came to visit and she replied:  “No-no, you look very healthy.”

It’s raining right now.  The sky is gray.  I hear thunder coming closer.  I feel solemn (a mixture of sadness, seriousness and peace), like when you know that something is finished, or… dead.  I cannot envision any kind of turnaround at this point.

Is this simply depression or is it something else?  I don’t know, but it’s raining harder.  The raindrops fall heavily like bullets.  I look at our rosebush outside the window.  One of the roses is losing its petals to the rain.

It’s raining very hard now.  The red petals fall to the ground like drops of blood.

Am I dying or just imagining that I am?  I’m not sure if I should publish this or keep it private.  I know, I’ll put it in the Impressions category with all my other weird ideas.  But this is a biggie.  Something has changed in me.  I can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is not anymore.  It’s all the same to me now.

Goodbye cruel world…

I won’t miss you.