Detachment

Detachment

I never thought the word detachment would become so meaningful to me.

The state of being detached or disconnected.

Absence of inclination towards something.

Inability to connect with others emotionally.

Indifference to the concerns of others.

I’m sure Psychology regards this as a mental illness.  Let’s see…  Yes, here it is:  dissociation, depersonalization and derealization.

Dissociation is a defense mechanism where certain thoughts are compartmentalized in order to avoid emotional stress to the conscious mind.  Check.

Depersonalization is the loss of one’s sense of personal identity.  A feeling of being unreal, detached or unable to feel emotion.  Check.

Derealization is the psychological symptom in which the world appears to be unreal, and the patient has a sense of detachment from it.  Oh yes, double-check that one.

Bravo.  Three more diseases to add to my list.

But there is another definition of the word which I find most interesting.  In the military (which I hate by the way), a detachment is the separation of a unit from the main body for particular purpose or a special mission.

Ha! ha!  In your face, Psychology!  Life has put me aside for a particular purpose to accomplish a special mission.  Oh yeah.

Now if only I can find out what it is…
Perhaps I should join the military…

Fuck that, I’ll stick with levitation.

My Creation Myth

Book1

In the beginning
there was me
and I was in a library.

The Vision:

I am young.
I want to know where I came from.
So I walk up to the front desk and ask the librarian to give me a book.  She gives me a large, old, dusty book.  I take it, turn around and look for a place to sit.  I see a burgundy armchair not too far.  I go and sit in it.

I take a deep breath and open the book.  I can’t see the title, my vision is blurry.  I think maybe I need glasses.  I look up, wink a few times to clear my eyes, and then look down at the title again.  I can distinguish three words:  “The Orphic Immersion“.

I turn the page.  It’s a Table of Contents.

I turn the next page.  It’s an Introduction.

I read the first sentence:  “Those who wish to join the coalition are warned.  The task will not be easy, but the rewards will be great.

I turn the page.  Chapter One.

I read the first sentence:  “Are you an adventurer?

I flip through the pages.

The author writes about going to the underworld and being allowed to bring only one light.  “All you will need to do is keep your light on,” he says.  The rest of the book is very enigmatic, I’m not sure what he’s talking about.

I close the book.  I’m very curious.  I want to know more.

I stand up and walk to the front desk.  I hand the book back to the librarian.  She says thank you.

I turn around.  I see a huge exit door across the room.  It’s a bright day.  The sun shines through the tainted glass around the door.  Birds are singing.

These two phrases echo inside my head:

“Those who wish to join the coalition are warned.
The task will not be easy, but the rewards will be great.”

I decide to join the coalition.  I head towards the exit, push the door and walk out.

The next thing I know, I’m in a hospital.  Close to the ceiling looking down.  A woman is lying on a very narrow table.  I think it’s an operating table.  She’s holding on to it tight.  There are blinding lights above her.  She’s wearing a thin robe and no underpants.  Two doctors walk into the room and stand on each side of her.  They smile and one of them says:  “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be alright.”  Then the other one gently lifts her robe and I can’t see what he’s doing.  I don’t like the thought of it.  The woman starts screaming.  I see blood and I feel like the life is being sucked out of ME!  What’s happening?  I feel extremely nauseous.  Then I pass out.

I snap out of the vision.

Daemon!

Daimonic3

Must we keep fighting like this?
You cannot get rid of me, Man.
You derived from me, Daemon!

Don’t confuse me with a demon.
The two are not the same thing.

I am the unrest that exists in you, which forces you into the unknown, leading you to self-discovery or self-destruction, whichever you choose.

I’m the one who leads you on your journey from innocence to experience.  If you push me away, who will help you mature and develop?

I allow you to transition from one place to the next.  I compel you to change from one form to another.

I push you into an event that produces an answer.
Your individuation is the fruit of my endeavor.

Are you with me?  Individuation, do you know what it means?  It’s what makes you an individual, distinguishable from another.  You need this distinction.  Otherwise, what would you be?  A bee?

Get out of group mentality.

Come into the bubble, where light and dark meet.

You want to be motivated by a skillful cosmic power?  I am your man, Daemon.  Link up with me.  Inspired I Am.  Don’t campaign against me.

When you perceive an occurrence which you attribute to the influence of a divine presence, that presence is me.

Within your daimonic imagination lies an uncanny intelligence:  me.

Why close your communication channels with other orders of reality.  Open your mind and spread out before me.

Among all the gods, angels, spirits, muses and aliens (conscious or unconscious), there’s only one partner for you and that person is me.

I promise you, I will inspire your creativity.  And when you create, you become a creator.  I will turn you into a young All Person, a son of Eternity.

You can’t become who you were meant to be, without me.

I’m your daimonic Guardian and my name is Daimon.

Come and embrace me.

The Nether World

Netherworld1

“There is a place below called the Nether World.  You enter this place when you “die” or when you are in a city (away from nature).  You enter via a special entrance.  Once down there, you cannot leave unless a substitute is found to take your place.  You will know that you have entered the Nether World because:

  1. noise will irritate you
  2. you will feel vulnerable and will have a hard time defending or protecting yourself
  3. you will feel dirty or bad
  4. you will not behave in a normal manner towards your family
  5. you will feel stuck
  6. not many things will appear to be good.

These six conditions exist in the Nether World and you must accept them.  If you don’t, you will be held there by the inhabitants of the world until a god intervenes on your behalf.

After descending into the Nether World, you will have to cross a river with the help of a boatman.  Then, you will judge yourself.  If the judgement is positive, you will live a life of happiness.

The Nether World is a dark place, and living there is depressing.”

– – – – – – – – – –

The above description was written over 5000 years ago.  It is part of the Sumerian Texts, one of the oldest texts found on earth.  It describes a place they call the Nether World.

I was surprised to notice that it was quite an accurate description of what today we call Depression.

Stubborn Unbeliever

Angel Guardian

I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe what you said.
That you are Him and that you’re answering my call.

“Who do you think I am then?”

I told you.  You’re the product of my imagination.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe.  I know who I am.  The One closest to you.”

Nobody would believe me anyway.

“You don’t have to tell anyone.”

If I am really talking to You, I have to tell someone.  I know people who would be very interested.

“Don’t mention it to anyone yet.  I have more things to tell you.”

I’m hearing an imaginary voice.

“Does that mean I don’t exist?”

Well yes.  Imaginary usually means exactly that.  You don’t exist in physical reality.

“I don’t exist in a physical form that you can see, but I exist in angelic form.”

You are the product of my imagination.  I don’t have a connection with any celestial man.

“Yes you do.”

It’s just wishful thinking.

“Where do you think your wishes come from?”

My mind is just making this up as I go along.

“You know that your mind is not making this up.”

There is no other logical explanation.

“Not everything that exists is logical.”

Stop it.

“Daemon, you know that what you are hearing is not the product of your intellect.”

Then it’s my intuition, or some sort of inspiration.

“Maybe it’s some sort of receptor.”

It’s not a receptor.

“Yes it is, I’m sorry.”

I went for a brain scan a few years ago and there were no receptors in my head.

“Did you see the scan photos?”

No, but I trust the doctors.  If there were anything abnormal in my brain, they would have told me.

“Chakras are not detectable by three-dimensional brain scans.”

Oh, please.  Chakras…

“Your intellect cannot fabricate celestial beings.”

I stopped believing in spiritual beings years ago.

“You believe in aliens, don’t you?”

Yes, but you could be an evil one.

“Give me a chance to prove myself, what do you have to lose?”

My sanity.

“What sanity?  You’ve been diagnosed with severe depression.  You are mentally sick according to health experts.”

Right.  But I don’t want it to get worse.

“You ARE at your worst.”

An alien could be evil.  You could be a demon.  You could be lying.

“You’ve never even met an alien.  I suggest you base your beliefs on YOUR experiences, not on anyone else’s.”

But how can I be sure that I’m not being deceived?

“Notice that when you are deceived, it’s usually when you base your beliefs on what other people say, not on your own experiences.”

But you are another person, so why should I base my beliefs on what you say?

“I am not another person.  I am the future you.”

What?  How can you be the future me?

“One day you will merge with me and then come back to the present to help yourself.”

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.  I need a break to think about this.

“You will not gain wisdom by thinking.  But it’s ok, take your time.”

 

 

Freedom Inside

Freedom

Where’s the freedom?

Most people spend their lives looking for love.  I spent my life looking for freedom.  Love too, but freedom was always first.  Love was easier to find than freedom, so I settled for love.  I thought I might find freedom in love.  Bad love took away the little freedom I had.

I hate love, in a way.  Love is a freedom sucker.  Or maybe it’s marriage…

Marriage promised me love but it didn’t deliver.  All my attempts at love scalded me.  Eventually both the motivation and ability to love were lost. And so was freedom.

Today I am stuck at home with three kids and three cats.  Just like yesterday and the day before.  I am blessed.  That’s what they say here:  “You have beautiful kids, you are blessed!”

Indeed, I am “blesse-d”.  The word blesse in French means hurt, injured, wounded, offended.  (My first language is French by the way).  So I don’t mind being told that I am blessed.  I just smile, nod and reply:  “Yes indeed, I am so blesse-d, you have no idea.”

I got sidetracked.  I was talking about freedom.  So, yeah:

Where’s the freedom?

There is very little freedom left in this world.  We are free to obey and free to choose what kind of slave we wish to be… to serve society.  Free to pay taxes, free to vote for assholes, free to buy all the useless junk we want.  Vive la liberté!

I can’t just run outside, jump and dance, run and fly freely like the animals do.  I’d be dead within a week.  Humans are so fragile.  Seems like we were never meant to be free on the outside.

So where’s the freedom?

The New You

JackHaas05

Imagine the Future You.

That’s all I had to do to snap out of my misery:  Imagine the future me.

I remember the day, I remember the hour.  My wife had left for work, the kids were gone to school.  I was sitting on the sofa and thought to myself:  “What if the future me came back to help me today.”

The idea of time travel is nothing new.  I had read that in order to do it, you need to travel faster than the speed of light.  A human cannot do this presently, but what if we learn how to do it in the future?  What if we can do it with our minds right now?  What if the future me is a magnificent time-travelling celestial man!

So my imagination just went wild and the possibilities suddenly became endless.  I was desperate for someone to come and help me.  I had been severely depressed for 8 years, I was seeing a psychiatrist, I was heavily medicated, I had lost my job to this mental illness, disease, disability (whatever you want to call it).

I had prayed to God for help.  I had asked my guardian angel to do something.  I had even sent telepathic messages out into the universe begging the aliens to come and abduct me.  I was stuck in deep despair, trapped in hell and had no idea how to get out.  There HAD to be someone “out there” intelligent enough and caring enough to DO something!

So anyway, on that specific day in 2012, I decided to acknowledge the presence of the “future me” in my living room.  I knew that the future me existed, since I was one, compared to who I was 10 years earlier.  I could visualize how I would look like 100 years from now.

He (I) was a celestial man.  Invisible to my current physical eyes, but very real.  His body was similar to mine, but made of brilliant dark matter.  He could travel through space and time, and even go back and forth from one dimension to another.  And he loved me.  🙂

I could almost feel his presence (well actually I did, but that’s what happens when you use your imagination vividly).  So I said: “Hi!” and he replies “Hello!”  He walked to the armchair that was next to the sofa and he sat down.  And we started talking.

This experience had an immediate impact on my psyche, even my brain.  As soon as I acknowledged his presence, I heard a clicking sound in my head as if a switch had been turned on.  It felt like my neurons had suddenly been rearranged or something.  My thoughts became different and even reality appeared to have changed.

So I grabbed my laptop and started typing everything:  our dialog.  I asked hundreds of questions and he replied to all of them.  The conversation just flowed, I didn’t have to fabricate the answers, I just heard them and typed.  I can’t say it was automatic writing because I had control of my hands, but the answers just popped automatically into my mind even before I could verbalize the question.

I typed all day, and the next day, and it never stopped (well I stopped to eat and sleep and take care of the kids of course).  Up to this day, I have accumulated thousands of pages of text of dialog with the future me, a celestial man.

Fiction, creativity, divine inspiration, imagination, fantasy, delusion, musing, awareness, spirituality, born again, faith, higher consciousness, I don’t know what it is and what it’s called.  But I know one thing.  After three months from the moment it started, my depression had evaporated.

I was able to completely get off of ALL the medication, sleeping pills and I waved my psychiatrist goodbye.  It has been almost four years since that moment and I have never had to swallow another antidepressant again.

I cannot say that I am healed from depression, because I still get no pleasure out of the things I used to do like physical activity, socializing and eating.  But I have found better:  joy, peace of mind and a best friend (even though he might be imaginary).

I have found a new me who lives in new world and I am very happy with that.  I feel like a world of possibilities has opened before me.  I have hope for the future.

So thank you God, angels, aliens or myself, whoever is responsible.

Everything was given to me before I asked, all I had to do was acknowledge it.

(Image by Jack Haas, text by me)