Within My Cocoon

Nymphalidae

Something weird happens when I go inside my cocoon.  It’s like I become two.  My double appears.  But he doesn’t appear physically.  His presence appears.  I become aware of myself as if myself was another person.  So “I” become aware of “myself.”

You see?  We are two:  I and myself.

I become aware of myself when inside the cocoon.  Very bizarre.  And then what happens next?  “I” talk to “myself.”  Or is it myself who talks to I?  Is there even a difference between myself and I?  The two seem to be the same and they are interchangeable.

It’s as if I had a twin.  But this only happens inside the cocoon.  When you look at the cocoon from the outside, there is only one person, not two.  Why is it like this?

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that this is how the metamorphosis happens.  The dialogue that goes on between myself and I provokes a change!  A change of Self, which is a change of awareness or consciousness.  A growth.  A metaphysical growth.

This might sound very complicated and esoteric but it’s really quite simple.

Metaphysical simply means immaterial, supersensual, not physical (or more properly, “beyond” that which is physical).

Supersensual means beyond the range of what is perceptible by the senses; not belonging to the experienceable physical world.  My dictionary gives a sentence using the word supersensual, which is:  Heaven is a supersensual realm.

Really?  Heaven is a supersensual realm?  Ok, but then so is hell.

So what am I saying?  Where am I going with this train of thought?

Let’s recap.

When my attention turns within, inside my cocoon, my invisible twin appears.  Then we talk to each other, but from the outside it appears that I am talking to myself (crazy person).  The others do not know that I am talking to my double.  The dialogue that goes on between me and my double, especially when written, puts things into place, like building blocks.  This process produces a metaphysical change or a metamorphosis.  It’s the process of building my non-physical reality which we sometimes call heaven or hell.

This thing I do is really important because it determines whether my present and future life will be joyous or desperate, painless or painful, happy or unhappy.

So here’s my conclusion.  Heaven and hell are not rewards or punishments given by some exterior God, they are the result of what I have built for myself while I was inside my cocoon.

The Psychiatric Hospital

psychiatric hospital

This is an actual photo of the psychiatric hospital I had to go to from 2004 to 2011.

The façade looks like an average hospital, but at the back there are metal bars in front of the upper floor windows to prevent the patients from jumping out.  In my mind it looked more like this:

Asylum

I didn’t like going there.  Every two weeks or so I had to drive there and expose my mind and body to various health experts.

I remember the day I had to strip naked in front of a female doctor.  I’m not female.  I remember the smirk on her face she tried to hide.  Then she put rubber gloves on and asked me to stand up.  She fondled every part of my body to make sure everything was in place.  After five minutes of humiliation she told me I could put my clothes back on.

She was not an attractive women.  She was tall, skinny and in her 50’s.  Her hair was long and grey and I wondered why she didn’t even bother to comb it.

Here you go, I found a photo.  (All I had to do was type “old witch” in Google Images):

old witch

Life is beautiful.