Sad and Happy

happy and sad

Sad is single
Happy is double

Sad is lonely
Happy accompany

Sad is bad
Happy is glad

Sad is worry
Happy is easy

Sad can’t sleep
Happy rests deep

Sad has pill
Happy has will

Sad is stranded
Happy emancipated

Sad looks down
Happy looks around

Sad is short-sighted
Happy is excited

Sad is flabby
Happy is horny

Sad is gray
Happy is gay

Cherophobia

Cherry1

No, it’s not the fear of cherries, but the fear of happiness.

I think I might be suffering from this a little bit.

After coming out, feeling ready, willing and able and tumbling, I realized that there is a deep-rooted uneasiness within me when it comes to potential pleasure or happiness.

I think I know exactly where it comes from.

Whenever I experienced great happiness in the past, it always seemed to be followed by great despair.  So I have developed this strange belief that in order to avoid heartbreak, I must avoid being happy.

The result is depression.  A self-inflicted condition due to a state of mind.

I am just becoming aware of this now.  It’s quite disturbing.  I’m not sure what to do.

Whenever I realize something, I write it down.  This is how I give it a form and shape.  I find it easier to tackle after it becomes visible, observable and describable.

Cherophobia:  aversion to happiness.  There is some of it within me.

I’m sure the universe will take care of it.  If this is something that should be kicked out of my belief system, then let the butt-kicker step forward.  I welcome him.  Or her…

Double D

perspective1

I’m not happy.

– What is missing for you to be truly happy?

I don’t know.

– Yes you do.  Think.

I have everything.

– No you don’t.  One thing is missing.  What is it?

Yes, but…

– But what?

I don’t want to say it.

– Say it.

I’m afraid to say it.

– Daemon, what would make you happy?  What is missing?

A man.

– A man.  You want a man?

Yes.

– What kind of man?

An attractive man.  A perfect man.  Not a deceptive man.

– Do you know such a man?

No.
Maybe…
I don’t know.
There is no way to know if a man is deceptive.

– Think, man.

Yes, I know one.
Only one.
Me.
The only sure non-deceptive man I know is me.

– He’s available.  Why don’t you take him?

Because I’m him.

– There are two of you.  Both are looking for each other.

So my life is complete already!

– It always was.

My blog is about this.  I write about it but I don’t believe what I write!

– One does not believe and the other one does.

So what should I do?

– Associate with me.

Hell on Earth

I write

My body has a small defect that greatly affects the quality of my life “in the body.”

It’s sad how such a small glitch can ruin all the fun.

It’s not something that can be fixed or cured either.

A human body is meant to move. When we look at how the body is made, it’s obvious that it was made for movement. We are not plants.

Imagine if there was a defect in your body that would cause you to feel nauseous every time you moved. My body has this defect. The more I move, the more I feel nauseated, sickened and disgusted.

In time, a person who suffers from this defect becomes severely depressed. I was on a very high dose of antidepressants for many years, but in 2012 I realized that it was not worth it. An antidepressant can relieve depression but it cannot fix the source of the problem.

The medication actually caused more problems than it solved, so finally I decided that I would rather live with my physical defect than swallow one more pill.

I’m quite healthy but I can’t say that I am happy. I have a fit body. I can technically do any physical activity I want. The problem is I don’t want to. In order to feel good, I have to move as little as possible. I’m in a very weird kind of predicament!

The defect is called a balance disorder. It’s almost impossible to notice. I sit quietly all day, refusing to do almost any kind of physical activity, and people think I’m weird and negative. My family knows, but they keep forgetting, or sometimes I get the impression that they have no idea how I feel when I move.

If you ever wondered why I live inside my head, in a fantasy world with imaginary friends, now you know. What choice do I have? I get no pleasure from physical movement. Life in my body, in this physical world, to me is hell.

Rock This Marriage

I did something unusual two months ago. I went ahead and rented myself an apartment.

My wife thought I was planning a divorce but no, this was not my plan. I don’t want a divorce, I don’t even want to separate, I just want my own place.

It turns out that my wife doesn’t want a divorce either, and now she is happy that I got my own place. At first she was shaken a bit and didn’t know what to think, but as the weeks went by she got used to the idea, and today she is glad and says that we should have done this a long time ago.

So why stay married?

There are many reasons why we both want to remain married:
– the children (we have two aged 13 and 11)
– no interest in getting romantically involved with anyone else
– material and financial benefits
– our friendship

I took the risk. I knew it would shake things up but wasn’t sure how she would react. I expected the worst but hoped for the best.

The logic I used was quite simple, really. I thought: “She spends so much money buying useless things for herself, why should I not spend the same amount for something useful that might actually make us happier?”

I wanted my own apartment more than anything, plain and simple. Some people have a main residence as well as a lakeside cottage. Why could we not have a main residence plus an apartment within the same city?

“Happily married couples don’t do this,” some say.
“Well I honestly think that they should,” I reply.

Maybe long-term marriages would be happier if couples would stop forcing themselves to live under the same roof 24/7.

We are, first and foremost, individuals. I think that the phrase “and the two shall become one” is bullshit. Two people never become one except in fairy tales.

This move, along with some other minor financial adjustments, has solved all of our marital problems. Now our marriage rocks.

Let’s Party

party2

Another party?  Why?  What are we celebrating this time?

Why are you inviting so many people?  To be seen, heard and admired?  To laugh, eat, and drink?  To give and receive compliments?  To feel good?  To feel loved?  To feel secure?  To give purpose and meaning to your life?  To be happy?

Doesn’t your life have meaning and purpose already?  Don’t you feel secure, loved and good already?  Why do you need to hear compliments?  Is it because you feel worthless?  Why the need to drink so much?  Is it to feel uninhibited — because deep down you feel repressed, smothered and strangled?

Why so much food?  You can’t be that hungry — is it because you feel empty?  Why the need to joke and laugh so much?  Is it because you feel like crying?  Do all these friends around you make you feel better, acceptable perhaps?  Why do you feel unacceptable?  Did you do something unforgiveable?  Why do you need to be recognized, admired and praised?  Do you feel invisible, unimportant and ugly?

Is this party going to fix anything?  Maybe just temporarily…  Wouldn’t you like a more permanent solution to your problem?  Oh!  You don’t have a problem?  Sorry, miss Happy.  My mistake.  I must be crazy.

Okay then… let’s party.

Take Control

control1

Do you know who you are and where you’re going?

I’m no one special, just one of your brothers, but I can tell you what I know.  I thought I was dead, but I am not.  I have changed and I found something amazing within my own mind.  I learned how to control my thoughts!

You know how to control all the parts of your body, but do you know how to control all the parts of your mind?  It’s possible for you to change your states of awareness and increase your happiness by putting your thoughts under the control of your soul, did you know that?

I’m not talking about positive thinking, but something much more real and permanent, beautiful and fantastic.  You can alter your perception by manipulating your thoughts, ideas and beliefs, kicking some out of the way and focusing your consciousness on other dimensions.

You don’t need to be a genius to do it.  I think I can show you how (I can try anyway).  My blog is dedicated to this.  I know you wish to develop yourself otherwise I don’t think you would be reading this.  Everything you need, to be truly happy, is within you already.  The tools are all there, not hidden, but perhaps difficult to see.

Deep down, you are a creator and the maker of your own life.  All you need to do is take control of everything that you are:  body, mind and soul.  The core of your being is connected to the super-soul of the known and unknown Universe, who wishes to see you grow and reach your full potential.  By consciously attuning yourself to the music of the All-That-Is, you can overcome every obstacle and even conquer death.  Because you are the son, the daughter, not of death but of Living Parents:  Seen and Unseen.  This is the truth.

Nothing I say here is new.  I have no great revelation to tell you.  The same truth has been taught by thousands of people everywhere since the beginning of humanity.  All those who really want to know can find it and know.  Knowledge is at your disposal.  Truth, happiness and everlasting life is accessible to all…  as long as you are willing to detach from the superficial corporeality and go deeper than what all the religions teach.

Are you willing to do that and take control of your destiny?