Sad is single
Happy is double
Sad is lonely
Happy accompany
Sad is bad
Happy is glad
Sad is worry
Happy is easy
Sad can’t sleep
Happy rests deep
Sad has pill
Happy has will
Sad is stranded
Happy emancipated
Sad looks down
Happy looks around
Sad is short-sighted
Happy is excited
Sad is flabby
Happy is horny
Sad is gray
Happy is gay
No, it’s not the fear of cherries, but the fear of happiness.
I think I might be suffering from this a little bit.
After coming out, feeling ready, willing and able and tumbling, I realized that there is a deep-rooted uneasiness within me when it comes to potential pleasure or happiness.
I think I know exactly where it comes from.
Whenever I experienced great happiness in the past, it always seemed to be followed by great despair. So I have developed this strange belief that in order to avoid heartbreak, I must avoid being happy.
The result is depression. A self-inflicted condition due to a state of mind.
I am just becoming aware of this now. It’s quite disturbing. I’m not sure what to do.
Whenever I realize something, I write it down. This is how I give it a form and shape. I find it easier to tackle after it becomes visible, observable and describable.
Cherophobia: aversion to happiness. There is some of it within me.
I’m sure the universe will take care of it. If this is something that should be kicked out of my belief system, then let the butt-kicker step forward. I welcome him. Or her…
I’m not happy.
– What is missing for you to be truly happy?
I don’t know.
– Yes you do. Think.
I have everything.
– No you don’t. One thing is missing. What is it?
Yes, but…
– But what?
I don’t want to say it.
– Say it.
I’m afraid to say it.
– Daemon, what would make you happy? What is missing?
A man.
– A man. You want a man?
Yes.
– What kind of man?
An attractive man. A perfect man. Not a deceptive man.
– Do you know such a man?
No.
Maybe…
I don’t know.
There is no way to know if a man is deceptive.
– Think, man.
Yes, I know one.
Only one.
Me.
The only sure non-deceptive man I know is me.
– He’s available. Why don’t you take him?
Because I’m him.
– There are two of you. Both are looking for each other.
So my life is complete already!
– It always was.
My blog is about this. I write about it but I don’t believe what I write!
– One does not believe and the other one does.
So what should I do?
– Associate with me.
My body has a small defect that greatly affects the quality of my life “in the body.”
It’s sad how such a small glitch can ruin all the fun.
It’s not something that can be fixed or cured either.
A human body is meant to move. When we look at how the body is made, it’s obvious that it was made for movement. We are not plants.
Imagine if there was a defect in your body that would cause you to feel nauseous every time you moved. My body has this defect. The more I move, the more I feel nauseated, sickened and disgusted.
In time, a person who suffers from this defect becomes severely depressed. I was on a very high dose of antidepressants for many years, but in 2012 I realized that it was not worth it. An antidepressant can relieve depression but it cannot fix the source of the problem.
The medication actually caused more problems than it solved, so finally I decided that I would rather live with my physical defect than swallow one more pill.
I’m quite healthy but I can’t say that I am happy. I have a fit body. I can technically do any physical activity I want. The problem is I don’t want to. In order to feel good, I have to move as little as possible. I’m in a very weird kind of predicament!
The defect is called a balance disorder. It’s almost impossible to notice. I sit quietly all day, refusing to do almost any kind of physical activity, and people think I’m weird and negative. My family knows, but they keep forgetting, or sometimes I get the impression that they have no idea how I feel when I move.
If you ever wondered why I live inside my head, in a fantasy world with imaginary friends, now you know. What choice do I have? I get no pleasure from physical movement. Life in my body, in this physical world, to me is hell.
I did something unusual two months ago. I went ahead and rented myself an apartment.
My wife thought I was planning a divorce but no, this was not my plan. I don’t want a divorce, I don’t even want to separate, I just want my own place.
It turns out that my wife doesn’t want a divorce either, and now she is happy that I got my own place. At first she was shaken a bit and didn’t know what to think, but as the weeks went by she got used to the idea, and today she is glad and says that we should have done this a long time ago.
So why stay married?
There are many reasons why we both want to remain married:
– the children (we have two aged 13 and 11)
– no interest in getting romantically involved with anyone else
– material and financial benefits
– our friendship
I took the risk. I knew it would shake things up but wasn’t sure how she would react. I expected the worst but hoped for the best.
The logic I used was quite simple, really. I thought: “She spends so much money buying useless things for herself, why should I not spend the same amount for something useful that might actually make us happier?”
I wanted my own apartment more than anything, plain and simple. Some people have a main residence as well as a lakeside cottage. Why could we not have a main residence plus an apartment within the same city?
“Happily married couples don’t do this,” some say.
“Well I honestly think that they should,” I reply.
Maybe long-term marriages would be happier if couples would stop forcing themselves to live under the same roof 24/7.
We are, first and foremost, individuals. I think that the phrase “and the two shall become one” is bullshit. Two people never become one except in fairy tales.
This move, along with some other minor financial adjustments, has solved all of our marital problems. Now our marriage rocks.
Another party? Why? What are we celebrating this time?
Why are you inviting so many people? To be seen, heard and admired? To laugh, eat, and drink? To give and receive compliments? To feel good? To feel loved? To feel secure? To give purpose and meaning to your life? To be happy?
Doesn’t your life have meaning and purpose already? Don’t you feel secure, loved and good already? Why do you need to hear compliments? Is it because you feel worthless? Why the need to drink so much? Is it to feel uninhibited — because deep down you feel repressed, smothered and strangled?
Why so much food? You can’t be that hungry — is it because you feel empty? Why the need to joke and laugh so much? Is it because you feel like crying? Do all these friends around you make you feel better, acceptable perhaps? Why do you feel unacceptable? Did you do something unforgiveable? Why do you need to be recognized, admired and praised? Do you feel invisible, unimportant and ugly?
Is this party going to fix anything? Maybe just temporarily… Wouldn’t you like a more permanent solution to your problem? Oh! You don’t have a problem? Sorry, miss Happy. My mistake. I must be crazy.
Okay then… let’s party.
Do you know who you are and where you’re going?
I’m no one special, just one of your brothers, but I can tell you what I know. I thought I was dead, but I am not. I have changed and I found something amazing within my own mind. I learned how to control my thoughts!
You know how to control all the parts of your body, but do you know how to control all the parts of your mind? It’s possible for you to change your states of awareness and increase your happiness by putting your thoughts under the control of your soul, did you know that?
I’m not talking about positive thinking, but something much more real and permanent, beautiful and fantastic. You can alter your perception by manipulating your thoughts, ideas and beliefs, kicking some out of the way and focusing your consciousness on other dimensions.
You don’t need to be a genius to do it. I think I can show you how (I can try anyway). My blog is dedicated to this. I know you wish to develop yourself otherwise I don’t think you would be reading this. Everything you need, to be truly happy, is within you already. The tools are all there, not hidden, but perhaps difficult to see.
Deep down, you are a creator and the maker of your own life. All you need to do is take control of everything that you are: body, mind and soul. The core of your being is connected to the super-soul of the known and unknown Universe, who wishes to see you grow and reach your full potential. By consciously attuning yourself to the music of the All-That-Is, you can overcome every obstacle and even conquer death. Because you are the son, the daughter, not of death but of Living Parents: Seen and Unseen. This is the truth.
Nothing I say here is new. I have no great revelation to tell you. The same truth has been taught by thousands of people everywhere since the beginning of humanity. All those who really want to know can find it and know. Knowledge is at your disposal. Truth, happiness and everlasting life is accessible to all… as long as you are willing to detach from the superficial corporeality and go deeper than what all the religions teach.
Are you willing to do that and take control of your destiny?
Daemon, what are you thinking about?
Stuff.
Are you getting anywhere with your thoughts?
No.
What kind of thoughts are you choosing to entertain?
I don’t choose my thoughts.
Yes you do. You choose your thoughts. This is the beginning of awareness. When you become aware that you have thoughts and that you can choose what to think about, you become powerful.
Most people don’t choose their thoughts.
I know, they let outside forces control their thoughts. Don’t do that. Take control of your mind right now. Otherwise you become a slave to outside forces without even knowing it.
Okay, how do I choose my thoughts? What choice do I have?
You can choose between elevated thoughts or demoted thoughts.
What are elevated thoughts as opposed to demoted thoughts?
A demoted thought sounds like this: “I need to buy this product in order to feel better.” An elevated thought sounds like this: “I need to relax to find peace.” The lower frequency thought seeks physical pleasure. The higher frequency thought seeks spiritual joy.
I just want to be happy.
Listen. Both your body and your spirit wish to be elevated. Your mind is caught in the middle. When you elevate your body, you bring down the spirit. When you elevate the spirit, your body feels let down. So when you elevate one, the other one lowers. You have to choose which one you wish to elevate. From the moment you wake up in the morning until you fall asleep at night, you are in a struggle to gratify either your body or your spirit.
I don’t have much choice, I have to keep my body alive.
Keeping your body alive doesn’t take much thought. After you are finished taking care of your body, what do you do with the rest of your day? Do you think of ways to elevate your body even more or do you think about promoting your spirit?
Promoting my spirit?
Yes, to promote means to boost, upgrade, raise, advertise your spirit instead of your body.
Why would I want to promote my spirit?
Promoting your body might bring you short-term pleasure, but promoting your spirit will bring you long-term happiness. You choose where you want to dedicate your thoughts.
Hmm… tough decision.
Are you being sarcastic?
Yes. 🙂
When I was young, I didn’t know anything. I looked at the world and didn’t know how to interpret it. “What is this and what is that?” I asked. My parents told me what they knew — what they were told.
When I was 5 years old, my parents entrusted me in the hands of a man who was tall and intelligent. They had no choice. The law dictated it. This old man’s job was to tell me how to interpret the world. His name was Mr. Noitacube.
On the appointed day, I hesitantly went to his dwelling, a large rectangular building. When he saw me, he told me to sit down, keep quiet and listen: “This means this!” he told me. “This means that!” he reiterated. “Repeat after me!”
He seemed a bit angry. “If you don’t answer properly, you will not pass. If you don’t pass, you will not advance. If you don’t advance, everyone will laugh at you. Your parents will not be happy. You will be miserable. You will be rejected. You will be a failure. So repeat after me and give me the right answer! I can give you points. I can give you a score. The higher the score, the greater you will be. It will give you honor, and eventually money.”
I listened to him. I was afraid. I repeated after him, everything he said. It was not pleasant, and believe it or not, this went on for 13 years.
The day I was allowed to leave the rectangular building, with a score card in hand, I was so happy and thought I was free. After that I grew up, I became older, my awareness expanded, I became bolder.
I did receive a certain amount of honor and a certain amount of money, but something was missing. I wasn’t really happy and I didn’t feel free.
I thought about Mr. Noitacube and everything he had told me. Something was wrong with the way he had instructed me. He never taught me how to interpret the world myself. All he did was give me his interpretation. His version, this one mental representation, had become my sole perception of reality. Why was I never allowed to see things my own way?
I am not a child anymore. I think I’m as intelligent as he was. What would be my interpretation of the world if I had never been entrusted in the hands of Mr. Noitacube?
“Daemon, you are not a loser, you have power and you are allowed to play with fire. Forget everything Mr. Noitacube taught you. Reinterpret everything from scratch, based on your own experience and research. It will be hard work but it will also be highly rewarding. Warning: If you play with fire, expect to be fired. You will be discharged, dismissed and criticized. You will be removed, terminated and forced out. You will be sacked, driven out and chased away. You will be attacked, blasted and shot.
But this fire will also inflame you in a positive way. It will enkindle you, stir you and passionate you. It will provoke you, set you ablaze and raise you. It will fuel you, charge you and recreate you. It will change you, transmute you and eventually, set you free. And this, my son, will make you… everlastingly happy.”
Jesus has a message for you.
*WARNING*: Do not believe him.
His message was for entertainment purposes only.
“Cheer up all of you who feel mentally incapacitated, powerless, and regard themselves as insignificant. The celestial paradise is yours!
Be happy, all of you who come face to face with death and choose not to commit suicide, because you WILL be relieved and soothed!
Cheer up when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of things against you just because you say it as it is and you don’t pretend to be what you’re not (like me).
Be glad and exceedingly happy because above all of this shit, there exists a reward for you and it is great!”
I REPEAT: Dot believe him. Jesus knows nothing about suffering, death and personal transformation. And besides, he does not love you.
Trust this:
Metamorphosis 