Success or Failure?

Saucer

So why did I do all of this?

“All of what?”

All of THIS!  All!  Everything I did on this earth.  What was it for?  All the trouble and pain, only to realize at the end that nothing really matters.  Even being happy… does it matter?

Is my life a success or a failure?  How do I measure it?  What is the standard?  I don’t even know what I was meant to do, so how can I know if I’m succeeding or not?

What’s the use making friends when you lose them?  What’s the use having children whose only purpose is to leave you?  What’s the use getting married when you end up divorced?

Everything I did, everything I bought, everyone I loved, all of it is worthless.  None of it matters now.  It was just entertainment, and it wasn’t even fun and I’ll end up with nothing anyway.  The only thing I have left is my soul.

A stupid soul who’s tormented, bored and not proud of anything.  I didn’t make anyone happy in this life, not long-term.  I tried to be my best but no one is satisfied with me at this point, or with anything for that matter.  Nothing matters.

Stupid people, stupid me, stupid life, stupid planet, stupid everything.  I just want to get the hell away from everything I’ve ever known here.  If only I had a flying saucer like that alien lady in the photo.  I’d be long gone in outer space, pressing the “home” button on my GPS repeatedly like a crazy maniac.

“We need a report before you leave.”

A report?  You want a report?  A report of what?

“What did you learn about yourself?”

I learned that the only valuable thing I have is my soul; I learned that I do not belong here; that I’ll never be happy here; that everything dies here; that I’m too gullible; that I’m too sensitive; that it’s impossible to get close to anyone, and when you do, it’s not satisfying anyway, nothing in this world will ever satisfy me fully.

I learned that I don’t want any of this shit.  I want to leave.  I won’t miss anything.  I was meant for more.  This planet is only good for animals.  It’s not a place for free spirits.  I have the body of a mammal, yet I am much more aware than any other mammal on this planet.  I need a new body, one that matches my level of awareness.

I learned that I am not a mammal!  Can I go now?

“Not yet.”

Ah, man, come on!