Looking back at my life, I realize how much time I have spent trying to connect with others. And in the end, what do I get?
I know that I am not at the end of my life yet, but let’s say that I was, that this was my last day.
I am all alone now. Everyone I have known is going their own way. I wonder if my presence matters.
My presence matters to me, but does it matter to the others?
Take my best friend, for example. He was my cousin. He was my best friend from age 10 to probably 25. Then both of us got married and with time we stopped seeing each other, then we stopped writing and now he is nothing more than a facebook image.
We could reconnect and make our friendship meaningful again, but then we could never reconnect ever. At this point in his life, I don’t think my presence matters to him. And his presence does not really matter to me either. It could be him or it could be another, but it would be nice to have a friend.
But friends don’t last forever. Or do they? It depends on my life. Does my life last forever? Will I live forever? Will a part of me never die?
If I live forever and all the friends that I ever had live forever also, then how can I say that friends don’t last forever?
So many things depend on whether or not I live forever. And THIS, from where I stand today, is a question of belief or faith.
From what I perceive with my five senses, death is a reality and death is the end of life as I know it. Death of the physical body that is — deterioration of the flesh and bones.
But some say that my consciousness will remain… alive, or aware. And there are many indications that this might be true. But no physical proof, of course, since consciousness is not physical.
It’s funny that the Universe did not bother giving me more concrete proof of everlasting life if this is indeed my destiny. As if it didn’t matter. It DOES matter! Every decision I take could and should be based on the fact that either death is the end or it’s not.
Why does Life think that it’s a good idea to keep me in the dark when it come to this question? If my life is eternal, why does Life choose to show me that the death of my physical body means the end of me? It seems like a very important question, but Life seems to mock me.