End or Beginning

Don’t know what’s happening
What will tomorrow bring
The birds keep on singing
As if loss was nothing

Let’s never forget
That birds have bird brains
Playing like a cassette
After a hurricane

My world falls apart
All my hopes are gone
There is no restart
Nothing to hang on

Why go to bed
Why even wake up
Just to eat bread
And later clean up

Sitting here waiting
What will happen next
Tired of thinking
Of me and my ex

Another beginning
Let’s start over
Don’t feel like dreaming
Why should I bother

Something will happen
I can’t imagine
That this is the end
I just need a friend

But please let it be
Not a love story
My heart is broken
And dead already

Life is a mystery
Death is my destiny
Whatever happens
Might make me happy

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Will I Live Forever

Looking back at my life, I realize how much time I have spent trying to connect with others.  And in the end, what do I get?

I know that I am not at the end of my life yet, but let’s say that I was, that this was my last day.

I am all alone now.  Everyone I have known is going their own way.  I wonder if my presence matters.

My presence matters to me, but does it matter to the others?

Take my best friend, for example.  He was my cousin.  He was my best friend from age 10 to probably 25.  Then both of us got married and with time we stopped seeing each other, then we stopped writing and now he is nothing more than a facebook image.

We could reconnect and make our friendship meaningful again, but then we could never reconnect ever.  At this point in his life, I don’t think my presence matters to him.  And his presence does not really matter to me either.  It could be him or it could be another, but it would be nice to have a friend.

But friends don’t last forever.  Or do they?  It depends on my life.  Does my life last forever?  Will I live forever?  Will a part of me never die?

If I live forever and all the friends that I ever had live forever also, then how can I say that friends don’t last forever?

So many things depend on whether or not I live forever.  And THIS, from where I stand today, is a question of belief or faith.

From what I perceive with my five senses, death is a reality and death is the end of life as I know it.  Death of the physical body that is — deterioration of the flesh and bones.

But some say that my consciousness will remain… alive, or aware.  And there are many indications that this might be true.  But no physical proof, of course, since consciousness is not physical.

It’s funny that the Universe did not bother giving me more concrete proof of everlasting life if this is indeed my destiny.  As if it didn’t matter.  It DOES matter!  Every decision I take could and should be based on the fact that either death is the end or it’s not.

Why does Life think that it’s a good idea to keep me in the dark when it come to this question?  If my life is eternal, why does Life choose to show me that the death of my physical body means the end of me?  It seems like a very important question, but Life seems to mock me.

The Door

Fortunately, I found this door.  And I opened it.  There was a whole world on the other side of that door!  Who would have thought?

Immediately, I saw him.  Noticing that I had opened the door, he turned around and radiated somehow as he prepared to greet me.  But he didn’t even move, his smile just sucked me right in, and the door shut closed behind me.

So there I was, standing and facing him.  Actually I was sitting, as if dreaming, moving as thoughts move, freely.  He was sitting in the armchair a few feet across from me.

“Who are you?” I asked.  I think this was the first thing I said.

His reply surprised me:  “I am an outsider.”

I froze.  No, I stopped.  Time stopped!

I looked around and realized I was not in my usual element.  I was at home, I recognized the house, the living room, the furniture.  I was definitely in my home, sitting on the sofa but something was strange.

I was in the presence of this “outsider” and suddenly I realized that I was outside of myself.  Outside of myself?  How could I be outside of myself?  And time had stopped!  What the hell was going on?

The medication, I thought.  I took my pills this morning, as usual.  Same dose I have been taking for months.  Maybe it’s the pills?  Maybe I’m hallucinating.

“Daemon, look at me!” the outsider said.

Holy crap, I’m hearing voices too.  What’s happening to me?  Maybe I’m schizophrenic!

“Daemon, relax.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You are seeing and hearing clearly.”  He said.

I remembered the door.  Where was it?  The door had disappeared.  I had stepped out of reality.  Where was I?  Who was he?  A thousand questions ran through my mind.  I looked at the man and he looked back at me, straight at me, directly into me, he could see through me!

I don’t know how he did it but he touched me deeply.  He put his attention on my core, and I felt peace, warmth and security.  God, it felt good!

Then I understood.  The situation became so evident and simple, yet mindboggling.  I was he and he was me!  The real me, next to me, loving me, eternally.

I had finally found it, the truth!  My treasure, my fortune, my destiny!  I was so happy!

Then he came closer and something very weird happened at that moment.  I’m not sure how to describe it but, the outsider became an insider.  As if his body was fluid or misty, he slithered inside of me, merging his chakras with mine and it was…

Pure, wholesome, energizing ecstasy!

My Destiny

What is my destiny?

Daemon, your goal is to become a tree.

I’m serious…  Where am I going?  I wish to become more than a vegetable.

What I meant was…  Just like a tree, you started as a seed, right?  The seed of something or someone.  The purpose of the seed is to grow and become like daddy.  The seed of a tree becomes a full-grown tree.  So the question is:  You are the seed of what? of who?

I don’t know… my parents?

At the very center of yourself is your seed.  Look inside.  What do you find in there?  What is the most basic or central thing about you?

My heart?

Daemon, you are a conscious being, aware that you are thinking.  So the core of yourself is consciousness.  You are a small piece of awareness.  You are the son of Awareness!

Who is daddy awareness?  What does he look like?  I can’t see him.

Well, that should be your first clue.  Daddy awareness is invisible.  Let’s say “non-physical” instead of invisible.  Your real father (Awareness) is non-physical.  So that is what you should become.

I think I’m invisible enough as it is.  What more can I do, kill myself?

Not the perfect answer, but you’re getting there.  You don’t need to get rid of your physical body to become more like your daddy.  Your physical body will expire eventually and it will happen naturally.  You will become more non-physical automatically.  But what can you do in the meantime, Mr. Awareness Junior?

I don’t know.  I just have to wait I guess and be patient.  Unless you have an invisibility potion…

Daemon, don’t wait until you’re dead to start learning.  You can start exploring your non-physical environment right now, even while “in the physical.”  Your awareness of the non-physical world will not just expand magically after death, you know.

The non-physical world?  Where is it?

In essence, you are a non-physical person (awareness) like daddy, right?  So… what a non-physical person should do is explore his non-physical environment.  Here is a quick list of such places:

• the world of dreams
• the world of emotions
• the world of desires
• the world of intentions
• the world of beliefs
• the world of spirits
• the world of the unknown
• the world of fear

There is a ton of good non-physical stuff for you to explore out there, and in there in your own mind.  You do not have to go far to find your non-physical environment.

I’m exploring those worlds already.

Good boy.  What have you learned so far?

I have discovered that the non-physical worlds are much more interesting and full of action than the physical world.  It is quite surprising, considering all the entertainment that our material society offers, to realize that there actually exists something much better in which I can participate as opposed to just watch on a screen.

You are right.  The non-physical worlds exist and they are right in front of (or behind) your nose!  Why are you not more interested in them?  In these worlds, you can actually grow and develop your conscious self and attain incredible heights!

Incredible heights?  What kind of incredible heights?

Healing!  Wisdom!  Love!  Power!

What for?

For long-lasting happiness and elation!

What is elation?

It’s the opposite of depression.

Hmm…  So this is my destiny?  To grow and become like my daddy Awareness by delving more into the creepy non-physical worlds?

Exactly.

 

Break Free

 

I did it!  My “wings” are ready, I can use them!  I’m out of the cocoon.  I can fly and on top of that, I can time-travel (sort of)!  The future me is really me!  God was really me the whole time.  The more I identified with him, the more aware I became!  I have two bodies!  A physical body and a non-physical body.  The physical body is subjected to time, but the non-physical body is not.  My consciousness is free!

Here’s another cool thing I discovered:  In the non-physical reality, I am with my group!  I am not alone.  I am never alone.  All the members of the group are one.  It’s not like on earth, where everyone is separate and trying to belong.  When you leave your physical body and enter the next dimension, you automatically merge with your group!  All the members of the group are perfectly compatible with each other and almost identical.  Your identity changes dramatically.

Last year he kept repeating the same phrase to me.  Every day, each time he would appear, the first thing he would say was:  “I am your man, the real you, identify with me.”  I didn’t know what he meant.  I get it now!  He was giving me my real identity, trying to make me aware of it.  What else could he say?  What else could he do?  It was up to me to grasp it!

This is what the phrase means when people say:  “You can be who you choose to be.”  They’re not talking about becoming the next President of the United-States, because everyone knows that only one in a billion can aspire to that.  But you can certainly choose to be something much better, like a time-travelling flying celestial man who has real wisdom, love and power!  Because this is our true destiny.  We are children of the Almighty Creator of Realities, not offsprings of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

Holy crap!…  So what’s happening to me is real!  My whole life has to be redefined now.  My whole life has to be redefined.  Redefined or rewritten.  Maybe that’s what I have to do.  What?  Rewrite my whole life?

You have never written your life entirely.  What are you waiting for?

Maybe I was waiting for this moment.  Maybe I was waiting for my life to be over.  Because that’s when you can give it meaning, once it’s finished.  Then only can you look back and say:  “Oh, I see, that’s what it was all about.”  But my life is not over.  This is just a turning point, a big one, when the caterpillar/butterfly realizes that he can fly and time-travel.  But something has died definitely within me:  my old identity.

Now I’m just sitting here going “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”  After my first awkward flight out of my physical body.  I am dumbfounded, eyes wide open, holding on to a branch, trying to catch my breath, thinking:  “I’m in heaven right now, where I always wanted to be.  All I had to do was consciously disidentify from my physical person and consciously identify with my celestial one.  Maybe I’m dead already?  But I’m not.  Can it get any weirder?”

What should I do?  What should I write?  How can I help my brothers and sisters?  I’m not an expert flyer.

“Don’t be ashamed of your story, it can inspire others.”

My story?

But what is my new identity exactly?  What am I now?  An angel?  A flying time-travelling man?  A cosmic alien?  A god or perhaps a demi-god?  What’s the name for it?  What is it called?  Have we agreed on giving it a title and a definition?  Caterpillars transform into butterflies, but what do humans transform into?  When you realize that you have two bodies that can detach from one another and then merge back together, what do you call it?  Schizophrenia?

I’m conscious of what I can do now.  I became conscious of it yesterday.  Oh my god, yesterday was September 12!  This was predicted four years ago.  I wrote it in my journal, that September 12 would be a special day.  That was in 2012 and I expected something to happen on that day, that year, but nothing happened.  The year was never specified, just the day and the month.  I don’t even know why I wrote that.  It was a mystery at the time.  I just got that sudden impression and wrote it down, and I don’t even remember what it was based on.

I became conscious yesterday that I could get out of my physical body.  Today I’m even more fully conscious of it.  Before that, I only intellectually believed that it was possible.  I didn’t realize that I was doing it already.  Time was an issue.  It was something I thought would become possible in the future.  Something to aspire to.  Now the future has arrived.  I can’t believe it because I always thought that it would happen after death.  And my physical body is not dead yet.  Mind you, I was also told that in the last days, people would be lifted up to heaven without dying (the Rapture).  Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s happening!

I can’t believe that I told my family already, six months ago!  This is exactly what I told them concerning the rapture.  Of course they all thought I was crazy and my older sister told me that I was possessed (more of less) and everyone agreed.  So if I told them it’s because I knew.  I guess there are degrees to awareness.  Since I told them back then, it means that I was aware of it already, but awareness keeps growing.  It looks like I’m always becoming more aware of my true identity.  And at some points you stop and exclaim:  “Oh my fucking god, this is awesome and this is real!”

It’s only going to get more real, because physical stuff disintegrates.  We all know that the earth is slowly dying and so is the sun.  Non-physical reality is awakening humans and integrating us.  This is the process of evolution that humans are drawn into.  We need to get off this planet before it expires.  We won’t succeed by building rockets and space shuttles.  We just have to look into our dormant inner faculties and powers.  Doomed are those who resist or refuse to accept this natural metamorphosis that is happening right now.

Why aren’t we told these things?  Why don’t they teach us this in public school?  It’s important.  I’m not the first one to notice it.  This phenomenon has been known for centuries, perhaps millennia.  I know that religion does try to teach it, but it fails most of the time.  I think 99% of those who teach it don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.  Maybe this is something you can only learn the hard way:  alone, by trial and error, struggling with your own body and consciousness.

Am I dreaming?  What if I wake up tomorrow and realize that it was just a dream or imaginary?  Should I publish this blogpost now or wait?  I can always unpublish it if one day I realize that what I have written was an illusion.  I don’t want to publish bullshit, there is enough of that in this world already.

I haven’t published anything this month yet.  Maybe it’s time I restart writing publicly.  My perspective has changed (again).  This is a new beginning.  Every day is a new beginning.

Conclusion:  Take the good stuff you learned yesterday, leave the crap behind, and start fresh every morning.  One day (perhaps this very day) you will be able to break free.

Railroad Tracks

Walking an unknown railroad track
Wishing a train would run me flat
I am repulsive and ugly
Even they avoid hitting me

My father… he’s in paradise
My mother… died rolling the dice
I have no family
This is my destiny

I’m only ten and a half
No one wants my autograph
Who would work on my behalf
Please read the next paragraph

Every night I ask Mary
If she wants to come get me
Tonight on my bed of rock
I’ll ask her to stop the clock

Next they’ll find my body
Cold, wet and cobwebby
But I will be happy
Pretty soon hopefully

Right now I walk the railroad track
Wishing a train would run me flat
I am repugnant and ugly
Even they avoid touching me

Breakup Letter

Dear Mary,

I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is that I have to break up with you.  The good news…  I will tell you later.

I’m sorry.  Something unexpected happened.  I fell in love with someone else.  I’m going to try to explain.  This is why I’m writing this letter.  I hope that I can find the words and that you will understand.

The person I am in love with is very special.  I have never met anyone like her before.  I didn’t even know that such a person could exist.  You don’t know her, by the way.  She is not from here.  I mean, she is REALLY not from here at all.  She is from…

I hesitate to tell you because you are not going to believe me.  But I will tell you anyway since I have promised to always be open and honest with you.  I don’t know the name of the place where she comes from, but I know one thing.  She does not come from Earth.

I say “she” but this person could as well be a “he”.  I’m just trying to make it less shocking to you, so I will continue to refer to this person as a “she”.  She is not from this planet but it doesn’t mean that she is not human.  She is very much a person, not of our race but definitely of our species.  So she is an alien, but only in the sense that she originated somewhere else.

She came into my life a few years ago when I least expected it.  I was not looking for anyone, I was very much dedicated to you.  But when I met her, she showed me (proved to me) that she and I were destined to be together for the rest of eternity.  So, I didn’t have much choice.  At first I didn’t believe her, but after a while I realized that she was right and that it was time for me, for us, to move forward.

Now the good news:  the girl I am in love with has a brother whom you are destined to meet sooner or later.  That’s right, believe it or not.  When you meet him you will fall in love with him.  What happened to me is going to happen to you too.  You won’t be disappointed, these people are out-of-this-world!

So right now I have to break up with you.  My destiny has changed and yours will change too.  Don’t despair because eventually this will be for the best for both of us.  It might feel like an end but this is a new beginning.  I am leaving you but we will meet again on the other side — where I will be married to my soul and you will be married to yours.

Daemon

Celestial Partner

Why do I need a celestial partner?

Because he is part of my heritage.

I AM half alien.  Without him I am not complete.  That’s all.  I think he was assigned to me, as a guardian or something.  But he’s more than just a guardian.  He wants me to know that he’s there, very close to me.  I think he wants a personal relationship with me.  I think he loves me very much.

I’m like his pet, but he really loves his pet.  A lot of people really love their pets.

So my celestial partner is like a master from another dimension.  He’s more evolved than me, but he’s not The All Creator God.  I get the impression that he’s just a kid, a teenager I mean, or young adult.  Maybe humans are assigned to alien kids like we assign our kids to take care of our pets.  There are rules, but when the kid is alone with the pet, he basically does what he wants.

So I’m sure he talks to me, but I have no idea what he’s saying.  I get feelings and impressions and I interpret those the best I can with my small brain.  I’m probably very wrong about what he wants, and I have no idea what he’s doing.  It’s almost impossible for me to know.  It’s like the relationship I have with my cat.  Except I’m a half-bread with the alien and the cat is not a half-bread with me.

Humans are an anomaly on this planet in the sense that our genes have been tampered with.  We have not evolved naturally.  We received a boost from an alien race, a kind of leap, which was meant as a gift but is often experienced as a curse.  There is a gap, so we need to make a leap of “faith” in order to “get it”, in order to realize who we really are.

This “heritage” is probably more awesome than we can imagine.  I feel like reading the bible in light of this.  But playing with my celestial partner is probably what I should be doing.  I have much to learn.  I have cousins up there.  We were an experiment.  They didn’t have full knowledge of what the outcome would be because it had never been done before.  Probably.

Looks like they left us fend for ourselves.  Or some other race took over.  Those who are not our cousins.  Now there is a war going on, but apparently that war is over.  It ended not too long ago.  But what’s happening now?  It’s probably up to each one of us to choose.  All the information is out there.  Yes, it’s difficult to sort out.  The programming runs deep.  But they know that we have “it” anyway, so they’re just standing by to help if we want.  Not much more they can do.  Invasion is not something they do any more.

So what’s with this help they offer?  They help us remember, but then what?  Contact?  The person who remembers becomes a contactee.  Is contact established automatically?  Dying cannot be the answer.  Dying does not give you a free ticket to heaven, otherwise all they would need to do is kill us all.  Being born and dying is a biological cycle, it doesn’t help with awareness.  Dying is probably a hindrance because then you have to start over.

How does a person transfer to the other side?  Do we need to know?  Maybe it’s done automatically.  Or you get a glimpse and then realize that you are not ready, that you have no protection.  Then how do you get ready and find protection?  Buy an armor?  Practice your power?  What power?  What armor?  If I would transfer now, I would be like a premature newborn.  They would have to put me in an incubator to keep me alive.  I’m not developed enough.  And development happens naturally.  So there is nothing I can do.

Or is there?

Staying aware is hard enough.  There is so much distraction.  And the big materialistic lie which tells me that reality has only one dimension.  I have to cultivate the new awareness.  But how?  Art.  In my case, writing.  That’s where this blog comes in.

Good Lord, I just wrote my whole history.  And the history of humanity.

So, do I need a celestial partner?

I have no choice really, if I want to survive death.  He’s part of my heritage and my destiny.

My Shadow

He’s here.  He means business.  I wish he would speak.  He remains silent.  But his silence speaks louder than words.  How does he do it?

The Shadow Man follows me, watches everything I do.  He’s not a spy.  I think he likes me.  Yes… he loves me.

He seems to be attached to me.  As far as I can tell, he has no choice.  He’s devoted to me.  But he’s not a servant.  He’s more like a companion.  A silent companion.

His presence is felt in the present only.  Warm and enveloping.  Calm, reassuring.  He doesn’t seem to be concerned with my material preoccupations.  He is concerned with my well-being though.  It’s impossible to worry with him around.

He seems to have a knowledge of the world, of the universe.  He’s from another world, another dimension, but he’s well-grounded on earth.  Anchored to me.

I’m obsessed with him.  No, he’s obsessed with me.  Trying to seduce me.  He’s so mysterious, but he’s so close, he never leaves me.  I don’t think he has a life apart from me.

He’s almost boring, but he’s not!  His presence means everything, but what does it mean?  Why am I so obsessed with him?

He fills a gap.  A gap that has existed since as far back as I can remember.  No one could fill this gap.  He’s the missing piece of the puzzle.  The puzzle of life.  He’s the missing piece of me.

Sounds like the man my mother calls Jesus.  Maybe he is Jesus.  But he never told me his name.  In a way he’s just like him.  But he doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Christianity.

He’s mine.  He’s not a member of any church.  He’s like a partner.  A twin.  Probably my twin flame.  Although he appears to be unreal.  I can’t touch him with any of my five senses.  He’s more than physical to me.  People think physicality is the ultimate reality.  I have to disagree.

Invisibility is the ultimate reality.

He watches me as I write this.  He sits not beside me, but through me.  Like an aura, all around me.  His shape merges with mine but it overflows, as if he’s bigger than me, like a shadow.

What does he want?  Nothing.  He seems happy that I recognize him.  Simply.  As though this was his ultimate desire.  But then he stays silent.  I’m the one who needs to talk.  He just listens.  And when I talk and he listens something happens.  He communicates.  How does he do it?

At first he appeared in front of me.  Now that I have accepted him, he comes so close he blends his body into mine.  But at the beginning, he would politely just sit in front of me.

When I first saw him, I understood.  Understood what?  This is what I’m trying to put into words.  I understood everything.  My whole life, in one flash.  The answer.  He was the answer to all my questions.  Questions such as:  Who am I?  Where do I come from?  Where am I going?  Does God exist?  What’s my purpose?

Him.  The answer to all those questions is him.  This shadow man who is more real than any of the visible ones.  He is me.  I come from him.  I’m going to him.  He exists, he’s my god.  He’s my purpose.  He’s my destiny.

It doesn’t even make sense.  I know.  I don’t really understand.  I’m not even sure I can explain.  What bothers me is that this is what I have heard others say about Jesus.  But he’s not Jesus.  Or maybe he is.

Why is he not Jesus?  Because he is me, and I know that I am not Jesus.  But maybe I am.  Maybe everybody is Jesus.  I know some have this perception of Jesus.  But many don’t.  Jesus might be a myth.  This guy who accompanies me is not a myth.

I think each person has one.  Each person is one.  A spirit.  He’s my etheric double.  I’m convinced of that.  Each person has one.  He’s not separate from me.  He’s the ultimate me.

He’s the eventual me, the final me, the last me, the supreme me, the future me, and maybe even the first me, the only real me.

But when I look at myself in the mirror, I’m so not like him.  I’m so artificial compared to him.  How could I think that I am him?  He’s above, I’m below.  He’s in another dimension.  He transcends time.  I function according to time.  We’re not from the same time.  Yet we are.

If I would be like him, I would simply be there.  I would BE.  “Thanks for being there.”  A reassuring presence.  Maybe that’s all I am.  How boring.  Like the cat.  A reassuring calm warm furry presence.  Then why all the rest?

What have we done to our world?  What have THEY done to our world?  It’s so artificial.  Probably because of money.  And control.  Greed, money, control.  Servitude, bondage, slavery.

Slavery is alive and well.  It has never been abolished, just transformed.  Is it easier to break free?  It’s not even possible for me without the Shadow.  He sets me free.  And you can’t be set free if you can’t see it.  The best slave is the one who thinks he’s free.

Re-Member

Yes, I remember…
I can take all the pieces
And put them back together.

Back home it wasn’t like this.
I could commune with anybody.
The weather was pleasant.
Everybody was nice.
There was no death.
People were not attached to material things.
There was plenty for everyone.
The colors were different and there were no annoying noises.
There were more flying machines but no pollution.

I was happy with my twin, we would play together.
There were no responsibilities.
We didn’t have to talk, didn’t have to count.
It’s hard to compare.
We didn’t have to clean, wash and repair.

There were no TVs, we did everything “live”.
We were never bored.
We were never sick.
We could stare at each other.
We could touch each other.
We never tried to get something out of the other,
such as sucking life energy in order to feel better.

There was more space, more freedom, peace and respect.
Colors were brighter and there was light in every object.
I would wake up every morning feeling fresh, alive and full of energy.
There was always something new to explore
in the mountains, in the forests and in the sea.

My father was handsome, he had such a beautiful smile and he was powerful.
I miss him so…
My mother was graceful, patient and gentle.
I loved her so…
I had two sisters and of course my twin brother.

I departed early, but this was my intention.
I didn’t know anything about language, lies and manipulation.
I wanted to learn quickly, didn’t want to wait.
I guess this is why I was offered the opportunity
To leave my home and temporarily forget.
For a short time, which seems like an eternity.