When I started this blog last year, I entitled it Metamorphosis. But now, nine months later, I don’t feel that what I’m going through is any kind of metamorphosis. There is no transformation going on. Only discoveries of things that were already there. So maybe this is why I haven’t been blogging lately.
After much introspection, I feel that I have finally reached the core of my being, the centre.
What did I find at the centre of the thing called “me”?
Nothing. It’s a quiet zone full of nothingness where my awareness hovers. It’s a void, but it’s a good void because in there, the possibilities are endless.
The nothingness seems dark but it has a flip side which is everythingness. Between nothingness and everythingness is… me!
Me, the… decider.
But what is there to decide at that level? Nothing. All is perfect at the centre. The problem is at the surface.
So I snap out it. I return to the surface and what do I find? Me in the “real world.” So where’s the metamorphosis?
Change happens on the surface, with time, inevitably. The seasons change and my body grows older. Is there anything else that changes within me?
Yes… my knowledge. And my awareness that I am able to travel deep within myself and reach the quiet zone where everything originates.
I cannot say that the journey was easy. Before reaching the centre, I had to go through many layers of thoughts, emotions, inner voices, beliefs, memories, fears, expectations… It was easy to get lost. It was easy to get caught up in the turmoil. It was easy to get discouraged, to turn around and return to the surface where everything seems to move in slow-motion in comparison.
So anyway, to cut this post short, I’m going to say this:
With the change of seasons came a change of decision. I decided to get myself an apartment. So I now have my own place away from the family.