The Nether World

Netherworld1

“There is a place below called the Nether World.  You enter this place when you “die” or when you are in a city (away from nature).  You enter via a special entrance.  Once down there, you cannot leave unless a substitute is found to take your place.  You will know that you have entered the Nether World because:

  1. noise will irritate you
  2. you will feel vulnerable and will have a hard time defending or protecting yourself
  3. you will feel dirty or bad
  4. you will not behave in a normal manner towards your family
  5. you will feel stuck
  6. not many things will appear to be good.

These six conditions exist in the Nether World and you must accept them.  If you don’t, you will be held there by the inhabitants of the world until a god intervenes on your behalf.

After descending into the Nether World, you will have to cross a river with the help of a boatman.  Then, you will judge yourself.  If the judgement is positive, you will live a life of happiness.

The Nether World is a dark place, and living there is depressing.”

– – – – – – – – – –

The above description was written over 5000 years ago.  It is part of the Sumerian Texts, one of the oldest texts found on earth.  It describes a place they call the Nether World.

I was surprised to notice that it was quite an accurate description of what today we call Depression.

Find a Lifeboat

Lifeboat

Our ship is sinking.
If you cling to it you will die.
Where are the lifeboats?

My last blogpost got me thinking.  If my children were to read it and ask me:  “Papa, what do you mean?  What is a lifeboat and where can I find one?  I don’t want to die!”

What would I tell them?

Dear kids,

This story concerns you.  The Titanic is your body.  Rose represents you, the person inside the body.  The lifeboat is the “thing” that will allow you to “detach” from the body.  If you cling to the body (identify with it) you will die with it.  You are not your body, but a person inside the body.

In the film Titanic, Mr. Andrews was the shipbuilder.  He knew the ship, he built it.  Who built your physical body?  It doesn’t really matter who built it, what matters is the vital information he gives you concerning it:  “I assure you, she can sink…  and she will.  It’s a mathematical certainly.”

He also tells Rose to get to a lifeboat quickly:  “Don’t wait.  You remember what I told you about the lifeboats?”

What is a lifeboat?  Is it something far away which is hard to find?  No, it’s easy to find and it’s not far away.  The lifeboat is not in the air, under the sea or on land.  The lifeboat is on the ship!  Remember, the ship is your body.  The lifeboat is inside your own body, not outside of it.

Once you find a lifeboat what are you going to do?  Sit in it and pray?  No, the lifeboat has to be hoisted down, down, down until it touches the cold, dark, roaring sea.  It’s going to be scary.  Some people might tell you that’s it safer to remain onboard the big ship, that you have plenty of time, that another ship will come and rescue you.

Don’t listen to them.  Get on the lifeboat quickly.  Make sure it’s hoisted down.  And then what?  Cling to the ship?  No, if you do that, your lifeboat will be pulled downward along with the ship when it sinks.  You need to paddle far away from the ship.

Kids:  “Papa, I still don’t know what a lifeboat is and where to find one!”

Listen children.  Don’t panic.  You need to find something within you that allows you to turn your attention away from your physical body, it’s appearances and it’s insatiable greedy desires.  You are not your body.  You are Rose, the person inside the body.  Give life to this person.  Save this person before she drowns.

All in the Same Boat

Titanic

Fact #1  – Earth is deteriorating.
Fact #2  – The body is expiring.
Fact #3  – Death is a certainty.

Quotes:

Rose:  Mr. Andrews…  I saw the iceberg and I see it in your eyes…  please, tell me the truth.

Mr. Andrews:  The ship will sink.

Rose:  You’re certain?

Mr. Andrews:  Yes.  In an hour or so, all of this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.  Please, tell only who you must.  I don’t want to be responsible for a panic.  And get to a boat quickly, don’t wait.  You remember what I told you about the boats?

Rose:  Yes…  I understand.

Ismay:  But this ship can’t sink!

Mr. Andrews:  She’s made of iron, sir!  I assure you, she can…  and she will.  It is a mathematical certainty.

Rose

– – – – – – – – – – – –

Now back to poor little me on earth:

Do I understand the basic facts?
Do I know what a lifeboat is and where to find one?
Do I want to live or just find comfort while I sink?

How Are You, Dear?

Hell4

I found a photo that captures how I felt when I was severely depressed.  You could add a blindfold.  Also add voices of loved ones in the background:

“Just go for a walk, you’ll feel better.”

“Life is beautiful, thank the Lord.”

“Find your passion, something you really enjoy doing.”

“Did you take your medication?”

“You need a vacation.”

“Think positive.”

“Surround yourself with people who love you.”

“Did you try psychotherapy?”

“Read this book.”

“Listen to music.”

Can’t you see I’m tied up?  I don’t even know which side is up!  I can’t move, I can’t see, it’s dark!  What happened?  Who did this?  Why?  Please, shut the fuck up and help me!  I’m dying!  HELLLLLLLLP!  (But you can’t even articulate because there is also a gag cloth in your mouth.)

It’s a horrible picture but I want to add it to my blog.

Hey! Are You Depressed?

BuddyChrist

Jesus has a message for you.

*WARNING*:  Do not believe him.
His message was for entertainment purposes only.

“Cheer up all of you who feel mentally incapacitated, powerless, and regard themselves as insignificant.  The celestial paradise is yours!

Be happy, all of you who come face to face with death and choose not to commit suicide, because you WILL be relieved and soothed!

Cheer up when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of things against you just because you say it as it is and you don’t pretend to be what you’re not (like me).

Be glad and exceedingly happy because above all of this shit, there exists a reward for you and it is great!”

I REPEAT:  Dot believe him.  Jesus knows nothing about suffering, death and personal transformation.  And besides, he does not love you.

Trust this:

antidepressants

My Frigging Loved Ones

monsters

I have trust issues.

The worst part of it is that the group of people I trust the least is the one I call my “loved ones”.

I don’t trust my loved ones because the individuals who have hurt me the most during my life were all members of that group.

Very seldom have I been hurt by total strangers.

Some people have suicidal ideation, but my ideation is the thought of being abducted by aliens.  Which says a lot about the kind of people I trust:  those who come from the farthest places.

There is a reason why I blog.  Opening myself up to total strangers feels safe.  Sitting behind a computer screen feels even safer.  No one can touch me.

I’m sick and tired of being hurt.  I’ve had enough.  After a while there was no other choice but to withdraw.

Forgiveness doesn’t work.  It’s easy to forgive those who have hurt me but are now gone, like dead relatives of ex-girlfriends.  But when you live with the people who have hurt you the most, and these people continue to hurt you, then how can you forgive them?  There has to be regret, otherwise the forgiveness is useless.

I could run away from them, like when I left my first wife after our marriage had failed.  But I’m tired of running away.  People are the same everywhere.  I figured I had to find a way to live with them.

I decided to withdraw, for the moment, within my cocoon and do some serious introspection (again).

I noticed that I started to transform and I’m afraid that if ever I decide to come out, no one will recognize me.  What will I have become?  Or maybe I’m just going to die in here and reappear somewhere else, like in a totally different realm (this is what I wish for the most actually).

I thought of psychotherapy, but the problem is:  I don’t even WANT to trust them.  Why would I want to risk getting hurt again by the same people?  It would devastate me.  It’s not worth it.  I don’t need them to be unhappy.  I can be totally unhappy without them.

One day I will break free.  I don’t know when it’s going to happen but it will have to happen eventually.  I can’t stay locked up inside myself forever.

Why Are You Happy Anyway?

death

There is no reason to be happy, really.  You’re going to die no matter what.  Eventually you’re going to lose everything you have, maybe even the people you love.

You laugh and dance now, but one day you’re going to cry and taste despair, just like me.  Don’t pity me if I’m depressed, I’m ahead of you.  You should be depressed too.

Can’t you see that this world sucks?  What, are you blind?  Can’t you see that the rich one percent has turned every one else into consumer slave zombies?  Wake up, earthling!

You are doomed!  This planet is doomed.  Even the sun will one day stop shining, probably sooner than you think.  A meteorite could hit at any moment.

And for those who believe in the Bible, have you not read this verse:  “The day you die is better than the day you are born.”  When a baby is born, you should cry, not celebrate.  And when someone dies, you should rejoice.

Depressed people are not sick, they see clearly.  Happy people are sick, they live in fantasy and think this world is an everlasting amusement park and that they will never die.  Bunch of fools.  They should be taking their medication, something to make them see the horrors of living in this useless temporary materialistic place called Hell on Earth.

What If

What if I am not mentally sick after all?
What if it’s my environment that is crazy?

From the moment I was born, I was forced to:

drink this drink
eat this food
dress like this
shit like that
sleep at this time
get up now
listen to this parent
kiss this grandparent
learn this language
walk in a straight line
go to school
read this book
conform to this
abide to that
believe this bullshit
respect the authorities
obey the laws
suck this
lick that
play here
work there
buy this
sell that
vote for this
reject that
live here
die there

The recipe for happiness
Had been set up for me
Years before I was even born
Decades before my parents were born

And now they tell me
That if I’m not happy
It’s because I’m sick
And all I have to do
Is swallow these meds

This world is perfect
Do not question it
Everything was GIVEN to you
You should be thankful

Mankind has evolved
We used to be dumb animals
Now we are intelligent and civilized
The greatest species on the planet

You are FREE
You live in a free country
You are lucky
You are blessed

Thank your God
Thank your government
Thank the experts
Thank your obedient parents

You are free to choose
What kind of slave you want to be
Get a job or better yet a career
Serve this society
Give your energy
Give your life
Give your money

Everything you need can be found at Walmart
Everything you need to know is on your TV
With the Internet you can find friends
With this subscription you can find your soulmate

If you marry you will be loved
If you have children you will feel complete
If you buy a house you will be warm
If you buy insurance you will be protected

You have no reason to be sad
No reason to be anxious
No reason to be confused
No reason to ask questions

Everything has been set up for you
For your own good
Set up for you
Set up

THIS IS A SET UP
I was set up

What if I am not mentally sick after all?
What if I have been forced to adapt to a crazy environment?
And I can’t, I just can’t, because
I was never meant to live like this

I want to leave
Where’s the exit
This planet sucks
I want to get off
I never signed up for this
I trusted you and you deceived me
I asked for truth and you gave me lies
I expected freedom and you enslaved me

If I resist you will kick me
If I say no you will throw me in jail
If I refuse you will take all I have
If I retaliate you will kill me

Stupid society
I hate you
Because you hated me first
None of this is my fault

I could go on forever
This poem has no end
Every day the same thing
Every week the same routine

I’m so fed up
I had enough
I’m going to find a tree
A nice solid branch
A spot to hang myself
I’ll wrap myself up
Inside a protective shell
A sort of cocoon
Where no one can touch me
And I’m going to wait
I’m not going to move
I’m never coming out
Not until you change
And if you can’t
Then I will
And when I come out
I will be unrecognizable
I will be beautiful
I will be free
I will be happy
Because I will leave you
Stupid society
Cruel world
I know my destiny

The End

I’m Not My Body

corpse

Am I my body?  Have you ever asked yourself this?

I’ve never felt that my body was me.  Even as a kid, I remember thinking that my body was just a vehicle.  I was like a little man sitting behind the windows of my eyes, driving my body around.  This was fun.

What is wrong with this world is that it tries to convince me that I am my body.  Where did they get that idea?  What a stupid idea.  I don’t buy it at all.  Not anymore.  I bought this idea for a while, but then decided to reject it.  It didn’t serve me well.  It’s just bullshit.

You can believe whatever you want, but if you choose to believe that you are your body, then this is what your reality will become.  Fun at first, but eventually your life will become a nightmare.  Because there is no hope for the body.

I don’t hate my body, but I’m not in love with it either.  It’s like my car.  It’s useful to move around.  I can use it to manipulate the stuff around me.  It also serves to express myself to others.  But my body is not me, it’s a tool.  A living tool which has an expiry date.

Those who identify with the body live as mortals.  Those who do not identify with the body have a better chance at survival.

Surviving death.  The purpose of life is to survive death.  To become immortal.

Immortality starts with not identifying with the body.

Look at yourself in the mirror and say:  “This is not me.  It’s my vehicle.  And it’s getting older.  It’s slowly dying.  And that’s fine.  I’ll continue feeding and taking care of it but I’m not giving my life to it.  Keeping this body alive as long as possible is not necessarily the recipe for happiness.  My sense of self is located somewhere else.  This vehicle belongs to the earth, and it will stay with it.  I do not belong to the earth and I don’t intend to remain attached to it forever.”

Hanging

sg15-10761

I’m not doing anything useful for society right now.  In other words, I am useless.  And aware that I am useless, isolated and depressed.  But there is something good about this that no one can see.

While I am stuck inside this cocoon, I am getting visions of grandeur.  I’m getting ideas of magnificence that have nothing to do with my old life and my dying self.  I don’t know where the hell those impressions are coming from.  They seem to be of a new me who inhabits a new world, somewhere outside of time.

I know, in a way, that I am just like the guy next door who suffers from bipolar disorder.  I’m also like the one I saw on TV who suffers from schizophrenia.  I could swear I hear voices sometimes.  Voices who say things like:  “I am the future you.  Identify with me.”

Exhilarating, isn’t it!  But no one understands.  From the perspective of earthlings, I am sick.  According to them, I should be “out there” enjoying life.  But I have lost all desire to do the things I used to do, the things that used to make me happy.  I no longer get any pleasure out of those activities.

When someone asks me what is the one thing that would make me happy, the first thought that pops into my mind is:  “I wish I was dead.”  But I have learned not to reply this.  So I just smile and then my interlocutor smiles back and says:  “Just do whatever it is that makes you happy…”

So I have thought of killing myself in order to accelerate the process.  But the next part of the sentence is:  “… as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

Shit.  I have a huge family.  I have a wife.  I have kids.  I know several men who have killed themselves.  Their families still suffer from it today.  So I had to cross this one off of my To Do list.  Still, I realize that I have nonetheless hung myself.  Figuratively speaking.  Like that caterpillar in the picture above.

Society does its best to discourage us from committing suicide, but the mind finds a way.  As if it had been programmed to do so.  The result is what you see in the second phase:  a caterpillar who has hung itself upside down and sealed itself off from the rest of the world.  It WANTS to die.

Doctors, whether physicians or psychiatrists, should know that any human, at one point or another in their life, if mentally sane, will desire to end his life, and that this is not a disease.

So, all I can say is this:  “Thanks for your help, doc.  But you can keep your prescriptions and your pills.  No matter what it says in your books, I know that there is nothing wrong with me.  I am not mentally ill.  I am meta-morphing.”