The Casino Slut

I love my man
He is so naive
I know how to impress him
I’ve done it last eve
When I win he shines
When I win he nods
I have but one talent
It is to beat the odds

I know how to do this
I understand this machine
Put enough coins in it
Eventually it will sing
I have my own bank account
Does not matter how much I spend
Huge amounts are for big gamblers
I’m the mother of all winners

There goes a twenty
There goes another
If I keep inserting money
Jackpot will hit eventually
Just one more dollar
To keep the lights flashing
Keep the wheels spinning
They will stop in my favor

(Two hours later)

“Oh my god, I got it!
Two hundred and something
Honey, come and see this!
I won the bonus thing!”
How much did you put in?
“Oh, only three tokens”
Wow, you’re so lucky!
“How can you not love me…”

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Looks Good

Yuck

“Good morning, good afternoon, good evening.  How are you?  Good!  That’s good to hear.  You look good.  Did you have a good time?  It’s a good day isn’t it?  Well it was good to see you.  Goodbye!”

Why does everything have to be good all the time?  How boring.  It makes me sick.  It’s so one-sided and unbalanced.

We hide everything that doesn’t look good and pretend it doesn’t exist:  our weaknesses, our garbage and our shit.  And then we say:  All is good.  But is it?

Nothing in this world is THAT good.  Get over it, people.

“Bad morning!  How are you?  Bad, and you?  Oh, just awful.  You look bad by the way.  Well, fuck you!  I thought the same thing when I saw you.  It’s a bad day isn’t it?  Oh, absolutely!  How are the kids?  Terrible!  That’s too bad.  Oh well, it was depressing to see you!  Badbye!”

The Blind Man

Blind

This is what she wrote to me last week:

“After everything we went through, I still love you, and I still have admiration for you in all sorts of ways.  Too bad that you can’t see it and that you don’t feel for me what I feel for you.”

It is true that I can’t see it.  How can a man see what is in the heart of a woman?  Love and admiration cannot be seen.  I am blind when it comes to these kinds of things.  And how can I be sure that what she says is true?  She has lied to me so many times before.

I read her words but I don’t believe them.  If she really has love and admiration for me, it would show, wouldn’t it?  But then, not necessarily.  A woman can love and admire a man without showing it.

Should I be able to see it in her eyes?  I have looked into her eyes a thousand times, and I’m afraid to say that I can’t see anything.  But I have noticed something interesting though.  My feelings are based on my beliefs, not on anything visual.

As long as I believed that she loved and admired me, I felt it.  As soon as I stopped believing it, I stopped feeling it.

Belief is so powerful!