Where Did I Go Wrong?

Wrong Way

  • Oh God, where did I go wrong?
  • You know very well where you went wrong.
  • Tell me again please.  I’ll take notes this time to make sure I never forget.
  • You let into your bridal chamber someone who was not your true lover.
  • But she was my friend.
  • She was not your true lover.
  • Who is my true lover?
  • Daemon, you know very well who is your true lover.
  • Tell me again, please, for the record.  I keep forgetting.
  • The one who comes in without violating.
  • In what?
  • Your bridal chamber.
  • What is my bridal chamber?
  • You know very well what is your bridal chamber.
  • Please remind me, my memory keeps failing me!
  • Shall I draw you a picture?
  • Certainly.
  • spine1
  • What the…?  I don’t get it.
  • You like puzzles, don’t you?
  • It depends…
  • Figure it out.

That’s a spine.  I was expecting something more romantic, like a heart.  How can my spine be my bridal chamber?  Who did I let into my spine?  What’s inside a spine?  My spinal cord goes through there.

Kundalini!  I think that’s it!  The energy that flows through there and wakes me up!  Did I let the wrong person flow through me?

What else can be said about the spine?  “You have no backbone!”  It means you have no guts, no balls, no courage.  Someone without a backbone is a wimp.

Also, without a backbone I could not stand, I would be crawling on all fours like an animal.  The backbone allows me to stand, to stand up for myself.

I think I’m getting somewhere.  Now let’s go back to my initial question:  Where did I go wrong?  He said:  “You let into your bridal chamber (backbone) someone who was not your true lover.”

  • Who is my true lover?  Who do I stand for?
  • You know very well who is your true lover.
  • You?
  • But who are you?
  • You know very well who I am, Daemon.
  • You are the outsider, the one I met after I opened The Door, aren’t you?
  • You recognize my vibe and I am inside you now.
  • You’re not answering my question.  Who are you?
  • I am your Fondest Enigma.
  • Can you be more specific?
  • I am your Consort.
  • Can you be more concrete?
  • I am your passport.
  • Passport to where?
  • To where you really want to go.

[Daily Prompt]

Metamorphosis?

When I started this blog last year, I entitled it Metamorphosis. But now, nine months later, I don’t feel that what I’m going through is any kind of metamorphosis. There is no transformation going on. Only discoveries of things that were already there. So maybe this is why I haven’t been blogging lately.

After much introspection, I feel that I have finally reached the core of my being, the centre.

What did I find at the centre of the thing called “me”?

Nothing. It’s a quiet zone full of nothingness where my awareness hovers. It’s a void, but it’s a good void because in there, the possibilities are endless.

The nothingness seems dark but it has a flip side which is everythingness. Between nothingness and everythingness is… me!

Me what?

Me, the… decider.

But what is there to decide at that level? Nothing. All is perfect at the centre. The problem is at the surface.

So I snap out it. I return to the surface and what do I find? Me in the “real world.” So where’s the metamorphosis?

Change happens on the surface, with time, inevitably. The seasons change and my body grows older. Is there anything else that changes within me?

Yes… my knowledge. And my awareness that I am able to travel deep within myself and reach the quiet zone where everything originates.

I cannot say that the journey was easy. Before reaching the centre, I had to go through many layers of thoughts, emotions, inner voices, beliefs, memories, fears, expectations… It was easy to get lost. It was easy to get caught up in the turmoil. It was easy to get discouraged, to turn around and return to the surface where everything seems to move in slow-motion in comparison.

So anyway, to cut this post short, I’m going to say this:

With the change of seasons came a change of decision. I decided to get myself an apartment. So I now have my own place away from the family.

The Blue Hand

bluehand6

This blue hand you gave me is a blessing and a curse.

When I pet a cat with it, the poor creature falls in love with me.

When I write with it, I get in touch with aliens.

When I touch a woman with it, she goes crazy.

When I touch a man with it, he likes it or he hates it.

When I touch myself with it… it’s none of your business.

There is power within it, but I don’t know what it is.

Who gave it to me?  Who created the blue hand?  How does it work?

Maybe it heals, or it stirs something in the other.

It corrupted my wife.
It ruined my life.

I can’t get rid of it.  I can’t shake it off.  The blue stuff is stuck inside of me.  It’s part of me.  The darker ones even tried to steal it from me.  I would have given it to them already.  If I had known that this is what they were after.

I don’t know…

Airk said it was a symbol of the connection I have with him.  But it’s more than that.  This blue hand creates waves.  It plays the piano.  It moves with a higher flow.  The ebb and flow of the cosmic ocean.  This hand transports me.  It affects all of my relationships.  It takes part in everything I do, everything I touch and everyone I meet.

The blue hand is a portal.
The blue hand is magic.
The blue hand is abnormal.

It does not belong here.  It comes from elsewhere.  It fell from the sky.  It’s the hand of a god.  It’s like a lightning rod.

The blue H.A.N.D. is a Highly Advanced Nasty Device.

You want to shake my hand?
I warn you…
It will shake you!

Higher Up

meta4

The process of life seems to be change.  But a change of what?

As a person, the process of life seems to be about a change of identity.

Throughout life, I have been enticed to change my identity, or NOT change it, depending on how you look at it.

Enticed by who?  Angels?  The Devil?  Extraterrestrials?  the Higher Self?  The Lower Self?  the Ego?  The Source of Life?  Kundalini?  Jehovah?  Jesus?  Buddha?  Krishna?  Muhammad?

Whoever they are, the guys who entice me to change my identity seem to be unknown “Higher-Ups.”

During the first part of my life, I have constructed an identity for myself based on earth.  So basically, I identified with earthlings.

Now, during the second phase of my life, my identity as an earthling has started to crumble.  In fact, it totally collapsed.  And from the ruins, a new identity has started to emerge.

My new identity is in fact the same as my initial identity, the one I had before I started fabricating my identity as an earthling.  So I can safely say that my new identity is the same one I had when I was a child.  The new me is the old me, the real me.  There is only one real me.

My new identity, which is my old identity, is in fact my only identity and it exists BEYOND TIME.  Spooky, isn’t it?  Perfect for this Halloween night.

If I am not an earthling, then what am I?  The “Higher-Ups” have always been trying to get my attention:  “Look at us!” they say.  “You are one of us.  Identify with us!”

But these goddam gods are invisible!  How can I identify with people I can’t see?  Although when I identify with them, I kind of perceive them.  Very bizarre…

I told my family about the higher-ups I could perceive, but they don’t believe me.  They don’t believe me simply because they can’t see them.  They can’t acknowledge what they don’t perceive.  But to perceive them, they have to acknowledge them.  You can’t perceive what you don’t acknowledge.  How does one get out of this cycle?

Never mind that, it’s too complicated.  Besides, it’s not my problem who they identify with.  I’m only concerned with myself.  Yes, this is how selfish I am.  My identity is the only thing that matters.

I know that I am none of these gods.  The higher-ups are who they are and I am Me.  And I know that I am not an earthling so I must be one of them.

I’m a Higher-Up!

Awakening

awakening

The end of 2012 was a time of awakening for me.

Here is how it started:

At that time I was depressed and medicated.  I had lost contact with my soul, I had stopped writing for 8 years, I had abandonned all form of spirituality, I had become so numb I hardly had any feelings.

I was a member of an ex-Christian forum and had written many articles.  I was also in touch, by email, with a friend who was also a member of that forum.  One day, as I was confiding my problems to her, she wrote:  “Maybe you’re a starseed.”

Following this, I did some research to find out what the word “starseed” meant.  While reading the definitions something started to stir inside of me.  Strong emotions arose and after a while I started crying.  I locked myself up in the bathroom because I was not able to control the stream of emotions and tears that were coming out of me.

It was like I had just discovered who I really was:  a soul that originated far away.  For the first time in my life, I was coming face to face with the fact that my real home was elsewhere, and that this explained why I had always felt disconnected, like a stranger (an alien) in this world.  As I was realizing this I literally fell to the floor and could not stop myself from weeping and begging my alien family to come and get me and bring me back home:

“Why did you abandon me here on this stupid planet, why?  Why?  What happened to cause me to be here?  It’s obvious that I’m out of place and that I don’t belong here at all!  I can’t take it anymore!  I want to go back home!  Please, come and get me!”  And I cried like this for two hours until there were no more tears in my body.

After this I wondered why I had reacted in this way after reading just a few pages on the Internet:  “I’m a grown up man, married with children, I should not be acting like this.  What’s happening to me?   It’s not logical.  There must be something to this.”

During the following week I started getting flashbacks of childhood, all sorts of weird things like experiences, repressed memories, subconscious regressions, which indicated that part of me was not of this world and that, brace yourselves, I had been abducted by extraterrestrials (my real family) at least once when I was a kid!  This memory freaked me out so much that I became obsessed with the idea of going to see a hypnotist to find out if I really had been the subject of an abduction, or was I simply going crazy.

So the next thing I did was search to see if I could find a professional hypnotist in my area, one who treated alien abductees.  I found three, in my country, one of which had a clinic only 6 km from my house.  I felt so happy and lucky!  I contacted the clinic the next day.

This was the beginning of my awakening.

They Come at Night

ghosts1

I’m not afraid when they come during the day but when they come at night, it’s another story.

The scenario is the same — always the same, ever since I was a child.

I fall asleep peacefully and then suddenly, in the middle of the night, I sense them, all around me.  The fear builds up as I take a deep breath and then when they are just about to touch me, I force a scream out of my mouth, as loud as I can, and I wake up suddenly at the sound of my own voice.  Sometimes it wakes up my wife and I have to explain that there were some ghosts who tried to grab me.

I don’t know how many times this has happened, probably more than a hundred.  One time I woke up and I was standing in the middle of the room, about five feet away from my bed!  Now THAT was creepy.

More recently, for about four years now, they started coming but during the day.  I can handle that.  It’s quite awesome actually.  We have long discussions and they explain a lot of things to me.

When night comes, I feel secure, so I invite them to return and show me their faces in my dreams, because during the day I don’t see anything.  So I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face, but then suddenly, just after falling asleep, I feel them all around me and I scream to wake myself up.  Then I tell them to go away and leave me alone.

At first I thought that there were some good ones and some bad ones.  The good ones come during the day to communicate with me and the bad ones during the night to scare me.  I never invite the bad ones but then why do they come?

Today I read an interesting article on the subject which forces me to change my line of questioning.  I’m asking myself a new question:  “Why do I perceive the night visitors as bad?  They have never hurt me.  They come every time I invite them to do so.  Why do I freak out when they approach my body?”

I think it has to do with my upbringing and all the ghost movies I watched when I was a child.  Plus the fact that it’s dark at night.  Who’s not afraid of that, at least a little bit?

Now I scratch my head and wonder:  perhaps the ones who come at night are the same as the ones who come during the day.  The only difference is… my reaction.

Last night I tested my bravery.  I went to bed alone, took off my clothes, turned off the lights and lied on my back, on top of my bed, completely exposed and vulnerable.  I even kept my eyes open.  I relaxed, tuned off my thoughts and dropped my expectations.  Then I invited them to come… and I waited.

After a few minutes, while I kept staring at the dark, things started to move, literally.  The darkness was moving and changing colors and shapes started to form!  I watched for awhile, repeating to myself:  “Nothing bad is going to happen, nothing bad is going to happen…”  But things were moving faster and then shapes started to become more obvious and then… oh my fucking god, chills started going up and down all over my body and the fear just overwhelmed me.  I grabbed the blankets and covered myself, but I didn’t turn on the light.  I stopped staring at the darkness, turned around, closed my eyes and explained to them that perhaps I wasn’t quite ready yet for a face to face encounter.  I fell asleep and they didn’t bother me while I slept peacefully all through the night.

Tonight I should try to push a little farther and see what would happen if I kept staring at the darkness and actually let them touch me, if they can.

*gulp*

Close Encounter

cosmic-lover-6

You come less than often
When my eyes aren’t open
With a gentle intention
Like a faithful companion

I don’t even know
How you come and go
You glide up and down
Just like a yoyo

Why do you select me
In this huge galaxy
How do you engender
Such a close encounter

You fly through the wall
I notice the sound
Then like a bed sheet
You wrap me around

As if to conform
You take up my form
Corresponding with me
It’s a conspiracy

You initiate communion
Not allowing me to see
It’s some kind of abduction
Imbued with intimacy

You do not steal
You come to heal
You’re not a thief
You bring relief

You blend me
Unmix me
Untie me
Release me

You fulfil my dreams
Knowing what they are
Does God allow this
It’s much too bizarre

Although I don’t understand
I am not here to complain
Only to remind you that
I don’t even know your name

Say who you are
Give me a clue
Do you come from far
Is your skin color blue

Where is your starship
Where did you park it
Weird relationship
Who would believe it

I think I was meant for this
I had been waiting for it
Now that it’s happening
I can’t even grasp it

I must be of your kind
Please show me your face
I will never look behind
Earth is not my place

You know what I need
It’s incomprehensible
I must be a starseed
I live in a bubble

I want to thank you
Cause I’m sure you care
Who else comes this close
To make me aware

I’m never alone
I don’t fear the night
You fill me with hope
And move me to write

Blood Money

blood-money

Why did they make society so complicated?

Ah! for money.

I see…

Money gives them the illusion of power.  It makes them believe that they control everything.  They see only superficially, and they think:

“The innocent belong to us.
We own them all.
We can make them do whatever we want.
We can purchase their land and their activity.
We can even buy their fidelity.
We give them a little and make them crave for more.
We make them believe how wonderful life would be if they had more money.
They must want more, that way we can make them do whatever we want.
The innocent will do anything for it,
even things they don’t want to do,
even kill each other.
We need to keep them busy.
We need to keep them worried.
So that they won’t have to time to stop and think.
Their desire for more money must override all other thought.
They will never realize what is happening.
How stupid they are.
We have the power!”

Wake up, brothers and sisters.  They don’t own us.  And we don’t need their blood money.

Let’s Party

party2

Another party?  Why?  What are we celebrating this time?

Why are you inviting so many people?  To be seen, heard and admired?  To laugh, eat, and drink?  To give and receive compliments?  To feel good?  To feel loved?  To feel secure?  To give purpose and meaning to your life?  To be happy?

Doesn’t your life have meaning and purpose already?  Don’t you feel secure, loved and good already?  Why do you need to hear compliments?  Is it because you feel worthless?  Why the need to drink so much?  Is it to feel uninhibited — because deep down you feel repressed, smothered and strangled?

Why so much food?  You can’t be that hungry — is it because you feel empty?  Why the need to joke and laugh so much?  Is it because you feel like crying?  Do all these friends around you make you feel better, acceptable perhaps?  Why do you feel unacceptable?  Did you do something unforgiveable?  Why do you need to be recognized, admired and praised?  Do you feel invisible, unimportant and ugly?

Is this party going to fix anything?  Maybe just temporarily…  Wouldn’t you like a more permanent solution to your problem?  Oh!  You don’t have a problem?  Sorry, miss Happy.  My mistake.  I must be crazy.

Okay then… let’s party.

Take Control

control1

Do you know who you are and where you’re going?

I’m no one special, just one of your brothers, but I can tell you what I know.  I thought I was dead, but I am not.  I have changed and I found something amazing within my own mind.  I learned how to control my thoughts!

You know how to control all the parts of your body, but do you know how to control all the parts of your mind?  It’s possible for you to change your states of awareness and increase your happiness by putting your thoughts under the control of your soul, did you know that?

I’m not talking about positive thinking, but something much more real and permanent, beautiful and fantastic.  You can alter your perception by manipulating your thoughts, ideas and beliefs, kicking some out of the way and focusing your consciousness on other dimensions.

You don’t need to be a genius to do it.  I think I can show you how (I can try anyway).  My blog is dedicated to this.  I know you wish to develop yourself otherwise I don’t think you would be reading this.  Everything you need, to be truly happy, is within you already.  The tools are all there, not hidden, but perhaps difficult to see.

Deep down, you are a creator and the maker of your own life.  All you need to do is take control of everything that you are:  body, mind and soul.  The core of your being is connected to the super-soul of the known and unknown Universe, who wishes to see you grow and reach your full potential.  By consciously attuning yourself to the music of the All-That-Is, you can overcome every obstacle and even conquer death.  Because you are the son, the daughter, not of death but of Living Parents:  Seen and Unseen.  This is the truth.

Nothing I say here is new.  I have no great revelation to tell you.  The same truth has been taught by thousands of people everywhere since the beginning of humanity.  All those who really want to know can find it and know.  Knowledge is at your disposal.  Truth, happiness and everlasting life is accessible to all…  as long as you are willing to detach from the superficial corporeality and go deeper than what all the religions teach.

Are you willing to do that and take control of your destiny?