Move a Mountain

mountain

The circumstances of my life have brought me to a place where I can no longer enjoy moving around physically.  Life decided to teach me a lesson.  It hit me on the head and said:  “Daemon, be still and know yourself.  Travel within yourself.  Find out what you are made of and what you can do apart from moving physically.”

So here I was, suddenly, having to learn how to use my mind without going crazy.  Thoughts left unchecked fly all over the place.  Thoughts are like wild animals.  I had to learn to examine them, restrain them and domesticate them.

Writing is the art of manipulating your chaotic thoughts, aligning them, arranging them next to each other to give meaning to everything.  It’s not as easy as it looks.  It takes years of practice.

While doing this, I realized that real power is not in my ability to move my body, but in my ability to control my own thoughts.

The physical world is the result of what happens in the non-physical realm (thoughts, dreams, intentions).  Nothing in the physical world would exist if it hadn’t first taken form in one of the unseen worlds of the Mind.  The seen is nothing but the crystallization of the unseen.  The real action takes place beyond everything we can see with our two eyes.  It’s all in the mind.

We say of the athlete that he is active and of the philosopher that he is passive.  But when you think of it, which one yields more power?  It’s easier to control the physical body than it is to control your own thoughts.  Is the physically strong man exerting more effort than the thinker?  If there was a contest between the two to see which one could move a mountain first, who do you think would win?

The person who thinks creatively has a better chance of accomplishing anything.

 

A Difficult Choice

The Thinker

Daemon, what are you thinking about?

Stuff.

Are you getting anywhere with your thoughts?

No.

What kind of thoughts are you choosing to entertain?

I don’t choose my thoughts.

Yes you do.  You choose your thoughts.  This is the beginning of awareness.  When you become aware that you have thoughts and that you can choose what to think about, you become powerful.

Most people don’t choose their thoughts.

I know, they let outside forces control their thoughts.  Don’t do that.  Take control of your mind right now.  Otherwise you become a slave to outside forces without even knowing it.

Okay, how do I choose my thoughts?  What choice do I have?

You can choose between elevated thoughts or demoted thoughts.

What are elevated thoughts as opposed to demoted thoughts?

A demoted thought sounds like this:  “I need to buy this product in order to feel better.”  An elevated thought sounds like this:  “I need to relax to find peace.”  The lower frequency thought seeks physical pleasure.  The higher frequency thought seeks spiritual joy.

I just want to be happy.

Listen.  Both your body and your spirit wish to be elevated.  Your mind is caught in the middle.  When you elevate your body, you bring down the spirit.  When you elevate the spirit, your body feels let down.  So when you elevate one, the other one lowers.  You have to choose which one you wish to elevate.  From the moment you wake up in the morning until you fall asleep at night, you are in a struggle to gratify either your body or your spirit.

I don’t have much choice, I have to keep my body alive.

Keeping your body alive doesn’t take much thought.  After you are finished taking care of your body, what do you do with the rest of your day?  Do you think of ways to elevate your body even more or do you think about promoting your spirit?

Promoting my spirit?

Yes, to promote means to boost, upgrade, raise, advertise your spirit instead of your body.

Why would I want to promote my spirit?

Promoting your body might bring you short-term pleasure, but promoting your spirit will bring you long-term happiness.  You choose where you want to dedicate your thoughts.

Hmm…  tough decision.

Are you being sarcastic?

Yes.   🙂

Heal or Kick Butt

Heal1

Yesterday I wrote that I live on a planet where I experience separation and loneliness.  Then emotions of great sadness filled my eyes with tears.  Afterwards I thought this was weird because I love being alone.

At this moment I am completely alone in the house.  My wife and son are out of the country and my daughter is away visiting her grandma.  I will be alone until tomorrow.  I’m enjoying it.  So then why was I so sad when I realized how lonely I was in this life?

Because of the absence of people like me.  People like me?  What’s so special about me?  No, I’m not special.  I think everybody down here is lonely and it has to do with transparency again.  Since we can’t see what others are thinking and feeling, we are always alone with our thoughts and emotions.  I am blind to other people’s true colors.

Or am I?

(The female cat wants to be caressed.  How do I know?  Because of the sounds she makes and the way she moves.)

Maybe I am able to pick up people’s vibes more than I think.  Yesterday I was walking around the neighborhood and I stopped at the hospital.  I didn’t go inside the building.  There were benches near the front door and I sat there for a while to rest.  I was looking at the people.  Some were walking, others were sitting.  I was not judging them or anything, just observing.  I saw a guy who had tattoos and a little pony tail on top of his head.  He was crossing the road and holding a cell phone in his hand.  Suddenly I felt a pain of anxiety inside my stomach, for no apparent reason.

I wondered where this anxiety came from.  Was I feeling this guy’s emotions?

How bizarre…  I just noticed now, while typing the description of the guy, that what I wrote about him could be said about my wife:  tattoos, little pony tail, holding a cell phone.  Plus his height and the color of his skin were exactly the same as my wife’s.  But she is not masculine.  Although sometimes I think she acts like a male because of her need to control everything.

So now I wonder…  Did I feel anxious because this guy unconsciously reminded me of my wife who suffers from anxiety?

Why would I need to feel this anxiety anyway?  To share her pain?

Why should I need to feel her pain?

Maybe because, deep down, I love her?

Or maybe I have the power to heal her?  I was at the hospital, remember?  That’s where people go to find healing.

I don’t know… but this is what’s coming up in my awareness this morning.  As I’m typing this, I’m feeling the same pain of anxiety that I felt yesterday, although a bit less in intensity.

If this is true (that I do love my wife and that she can be healed of her anxiety), it’s not the first time this idea crosses my mind, and it makes me angry.  Very angry.

Why?

Because I don’t want to get along with her!  I don’t want to get close to her ever again!  I know, I said I was lonely, but I don’t trust her.

But you understand her now.  You know she lies because of her anxiety and you also know where her anxiety comes from.

Maybe, but knowing these things won’t change her.

You want to change her?

I want her to stop lying to me.  No, I don’t!  I’ve adapted to her lies and I’m even lying to her in return.  If she changes, I’ll have to change (again).  I’m tired of changing.  Unless it was a permanent change, but nothing here is permanent or guaranteed.  She could change back anytime afterwards, and chances are she would.  So why bother?

Maybe you can heal her.

Heal her?  What do you mean?  How could I heal her?  I don’t want to heal her, even if I could.  She has to heal herself.  Or God can heal her.  Her angels can help her accomplish self-healing.  Not me.  No way.  I don’t want to be involved with her healing.  This would fuck me up.  It would make me think that I’m a healer.

Maybe you are a healer.

Stop it.  I don’t like these ideas.

Maybe this is what’s coming and all we want to do is give you a heads-up.

Then ok, fine.  I accept that.  But…  I still don’t like it.

It’s your ego talking.

Right.  Shut the fuck up, ego.

Just watch what happens.

Predictions…  *sigh*  Do you have dates?  This fall, I bet?  Same time as the other predictions?  When the economy collapses and the presence of aliens becomes official?

Whatever.  I’ll watch, if I’m still around.  I’m always watching anyway.  Does this mean I will have to trust her eventually?  Why?  For my happiness on earth?

If she admits to all I have written concerning the source of her anxiety, I will be impressed.  But wait a minute…  Why would I want to be happy on earth?  Won’t this defy the purpose of the whole experience?  Will she stop spending and wasting too?  Will she become spiritual?  Oh god…

This is just ancient wishful thinking.  I don’t wish for this anymore.  It’s an old wish.  Scrap it.  It was a wish based on materialistic concerns.

Your wife becoming spiritual is a wish based on materialistic concerns?

No, just the “less spending and less wasting” part.

It would be interesting to watch her angels in action, though.  I did tell them to kick her butt last winter.  The next day she slipped on the ice and landed on her ass.

Maybe there’s more than one butt that needs to be kicked in this world.  There are so many arrogant butts.  Including mine.

*sigh*

Wedding Alert!

Wedding

Where to run, where to hide?
I’ve been invited to a wedding!
A violent assault on the antisocial guy.

My wife knows I don’t like social gatherings, especially weddings, but her best friend is getting married this afternoon.  She said to me with the sad puppy eyes:  “I can’t go there alone, will you come with me?”  I said yes.  That was two months ago.

Now the day I have been dreading has arrived.  There is no turning back.  I have to go.

At least it’s not family.  I know the bride but that’s it.  Never met her fiancé.  None of the guests know me.  I feel better among strangers than I do among family.  No one will talk to me.  Smiles and friendly handshakes, I can do that.  My acting skills are rusted, but when the situation calls for it, I can summon them back to life.  I think… we’ll see.  Hope it doesn’t suck the life out of me.

Sit in church.  *yawn*
Watch the show.  (Hope she trips)
Stand, sit, stand, sit, kneel.  (WTF?)
Clap when they kiss.  (She’s not a virgin)
Congratulate them.  (In two years you’ll be separated)

Then eat, drink and dance.  That’s how people celebrate.  What are they celebrating exactly?  Who cares.   We have food, alcohol and music.  Let’s do what they do.  Stuff your face, get drunk and move your body.  Pretend to be happy.  Woopy!

Find a Lifeboat

Lifeboat

Our ship is sinking.
If you cling to it you will die.
Where are the lifeboats?

My last blogpost got me thinking.  If my children were to read it and ask me:  “Papa, what do you mean?  What is a lifeboat and where can I find one?  I don’t want to die!”

What would I tell them?

Dear kids,

This story concerns you.  The Titanic is your body.  Rose represents you, the person inside the body.  The lifeboat is the “thing” that will allow you to “detach” from the body.  If you cling to the body (identify with it) you will die with it.  You are not your body, but a person inside the body.

In the film Titanic, Mr. Andrews was the shipbuilder.  He knew the ship, he built it.  Who built your physical body?  It doesn’t really matter who built it, what matters is the vital information he gives you concerning it:  “I assure you, she can sink…  and she will.  It’s a mathematical certainly.”

He also tells Rose to get to a lifeboat quickly:  “Don’t wait.  You remember what I told you about the lifeboats?”

What is a lifeboat?  Is it something far away which is hard to find?  No, it’s easy to find and it’s not far away.  The lifeboat is not in the air, under the sea or on land.  The lifeboat is on the ship!  Remember, the ship is your body.  The lifeboat is inside your own body, not outside of it.

Once you find a lifeboat what are you going to do?  Sit in it and pray?  No, the lifeboat has to be hoisted down, down, down until it touches the cold, dark, roaring sea.  It’s going to be scary.  Some people might tell you that’s it safer to remain onboard the big ship, that you have plenty of time, that another ship will come and rescue you.

Don’t listen to them.  Get on the lifeboat quickly.  Make sure it’s hoisted down.  And then what?  Cling to the ship?  No, if you do that, your lifeboat will be pulled downward along with the ship when it sinks.  You need to paddle far away from the ship.

Kids:  “Papa, I still don’t know what a lifeboat is and where to find one!”

Listen children.  Don’t panic.  You need to find something within you that allows you to turn your attention away from your physical body, it’s appearances and it’s insatiable greedy desires.  You are not your body.  You are Rose, the person inside the body.  Give life to this person.  Save this person before she drowns.

All in the Same Boat

Titanic

Fact #1  – Earth is deteriorating.
Fact #2  – The body is expiring.
Fact #3  – Death is a certainty.

Quotes:

Rose:  Mr. Andrews…  I saw the iceberg and I see it in your eyes…  please, tell me the truth.

Mr. Andrews:  The ship will sink.

Rose:  You’re certain?

Mr. Andrews:  Yes.  In an hour or so, all of this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.  Please, tell only who you must.  I don’t want to be responsible for a panic.  And get to a boat quickly, don’t wait.  You remember what I told you about the boats?

Rose:  Yes…  I understand.

Ismay:  But this ship can’t sink!

Mr. Andrews:  She’s made of iron, sir!  I assure you, she can…  and she will.  It is a mathematical certainty.

Rose

– – – – – – – – – – – –

Now back to poor little me on earth:

Do I understand the basic facts?
Do I know what a lifeboat is and where to find one?
Do I want to live or just find comfort while I sink?

The Bad Antisocial Guy

antisocial

I am planning on doing something terrible, unforgiveable, downright evil.

There is a huge family reunion taking place.  It starts in a few minutes.  It will last five days.  Only two hours drive from where I live.  My dear sisters have been planning this for over a year.  They reserved a 20-bedroom cottage mansion in the mountains.  They are all happy and excited to attend this great get-together.  Everyone is going, except me.

I will be the only one absent.  The black sheep of the family.  The depressed one.  The antisocial evil monster.  The selfish arrogant delusional smartass.  The one who claims to be connected to a higher consciousness but who can’t even interact properly with his own brothers and sisters.

I’ll probably be agonizing over this for the next 5 days.  I’m fighting a dragon that has seven heads.

dragon

I’m going to win this fight.  I know this dragon.  It has seven voices that attack my seven weaknesses:

  • You don’t love your family
  • You are selfish
  • You think you are better than the others
  • You have nothing better to do, you’re lazy
  • You have no friends
  • You’re a loser
  • You’ll regret it

I can’t wait for it to be over.  The planning of this family reunion has been dragging on for 12 months.  That’s all they have been talking about.  I had to delete the reminder from my calendar.  Just seeing it would give me stomach cramps.  The thought of it would made me squirm in pain.  Imagine being stuck in a cottage with 50 of your closest loved ones, for 5 days.

I’ll try not to get too drunk this evening.  Writing it down helps.  Thanks for listening.

Daemon
the sick Demon

 

People

people

Something unexpected has happened to me.
I’m not proud of it.  I never asked for it.
So I’m going to write about it.

I avoid talking to people more and more.  It started about a year ago and it has developed into some kind of obsession.  I don’t want to talk to anyone!

I don’t mind writing, but being face to face with someone makes me uncomfortable.

And I think I know exactly why.

People are not transparent.  I know it sounds crazy, but I have been pondering on this for quite some time, and I think this is it.  People are not transparent and I can’t see through them and there is no way I can ever see through them.

I cannot rely on appearances.  I cannot rely on what they say either.  I can’t rely on what I think of them or on what other people have said.  I can’t even rely on my own judgment.

So when I am talking to someone, I feel like I’m opening myself up to a mysterious living creature that has the power to lie, cheat and fake it, and that there is no way for me to ever know or to protect myself.

I feel this with the members of my own family!

I know exactly why.  I have been so naïve all my life, I used to trust and believe everyone, and one day I realized that my most precious loved-ones had been lying, cheating, manipulating and taking advantage of me for years, without being aware of it.

This has caused me to almost completely shut down.  This is the major cause of my depression.

I don’t trust people, especially loved-ones.  I don’t think I will ever be able to trust anyone again, not until they become completely transparent.  I have to be able to see through them, to see what’s really going on behind the facades. This will never happen, not on this earth anyway.

So my family life is doomed and so is my social life.  Fortunately I can still write to people, and that I do.

I Found the Cure!

Imagine if the cure for your mental illness was found.  Not just a relief, but a cure.  A permanent cure, 100% effective and guaranteed.

Imagine if the cure was presented to you, and even given to you freely!  Would you take it?

Now stay with me, this is important.

Before taking it, you would probably ask yourself if you can trust the person who is offering you the cure.  Next, you would surely wonder if the cure itself can be trusted.

Let’s stop right here.
You haven’t taken the cure yet.
What’s stopping you from taking it immediately?

Trust.  That’s right.  The thing that is preventing you from taking the cure is not the person offering it, nor the cure itself, but it’s a question of trust.

Lack of trust is what is keeping you from taking the cure at this point.

So no matter how trustworthy the giver is, as long as you don’t believe what that person is saying, you will probably never accept his cure.

The cure for your mental illness exists.  I won’t tell you what it is because you would not believe me anyway.  In fact, you heard it already.  Nothing is stopping you from accepting the cure except your own beliefs.

The only way around this is to change your beliefs.  And only you can do that.