Hey! Are You Depressed?

BuddyChrist

Jesus has a message for you.

*WARNING*:  Do not believe him.
His message was for entertainment purposes only.

“Cheer up all of you who feel mentally incapacitated, powerless, and regard themselves as insignificant.  The celestial paradise is yours!

Be happy, all of you who come face to face with death and choose not to commit suicide, because you WILL be relieved and soothed!

Cheer up when people insult you and falsely say all kinds of things against you just because you say it as it is and you don’t pretend to be what you’re not (like me).

Be glad and exceedingly happy because above all of this shit, there exists a reward for you and it is great!”

I REPEAT:  Dot believe him.  Jesus knows nothing about suffering, death and personal transformation.  And besides, he does not love you.

Trust this:

antidepressants

I Asked for It…

GodsHands1

I did.  I asked for it.  I remember.  Holy shit!

This was years ago.  I was a young fervent born-again Christian.  I had given my life to Jesus and was willing to do God’s will at all costs.  But when you’re 20 years old, the “pleasures of the flesh” are hard to resist.  So what did I do?  I asked God to remove them.

Depression is defined as a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

I guess I should be thanking God now, but…  I’m not even a Christian anymore.  The depression was so severe that I actually lost faith in a Loving Father.  I had forgotten my prayer.

Now I have to stop and think.  (I love to stop and think.)

How does the lack absence of pleasure doing normally enjoyable activities help me become a more spiritual person?

Well, duh!

*Aha moment*

Holy shit indeed.

I Am PERIOD!

I-AM

You are a boy
No I am PERIOD

You are 5½ pounds
No I am PERIOD

You are my baby
No I am PERIOD

You are Canadian
No I am PERIOD

You are a Christian
No I am PERIOD

You are 6 years old
No I am PERIOD

You are a student
No I am PERIOD

You are a teenager
No I am PERIOD

You are a graduate
No I am PERIOD

You are my employee
No I am PERIOD

You are married
No I am PERIOD

You are my husband
No I am PERIOD

You are a taxpayer
No I am PERIOD

You are a homeowner
No I am PERIOD

You are a father
No I am PERIOD

You are divorced
No I am PERIOD

You are unemployed
No I am PERIOD

You are an ex-Christian
No I am PERIOD

You are depressed
No I am PERIOD

You are mentally ill
No I am PERIOD

You are old
No I am PERIOD

You are dead
No I am PERIOD

You are…
No listen:

I am  I am Junior
The offspring of
The Great I Am
PERIOD!

My Girlfriend Dopamine

Imissyou

She left me, and I’m sad.  I can’t live without her.  She made me feel so good, so alive, so happy!  Now she’s gone.  Will she ever come back?

Dopamine my Love, come back to me please!  Life is lifeless without you.  You were my reason for living.  Now I have nothing.  No purpose.  No future.  Where are you Dopamine?

Why did you leave me?  I don’t understand… is it something I did?  Something I said?  One day you were here, the next day you were gone.  I feel so lost.

Oh Dopey, I just want you to know, how much I miss you.  How empty my life is without you.  All the fun we had together… is gone forever.  Nothing will ever be the same.  You were my treasure and my dearest pleasure.

I don’t know why I exist anymore.  You are irreplaceable.  There is no one else like you.  I can’t go on without you.  I need you Dopamine!

 

My Frigging Loved Ones

monsters

I have trust issues.

The worst part of it is that the group of people I trust the least is the one I call my “loved ones”.

I don’t trust my loved ones because the individuals who have hurt me the most during my life were all members of that group.

Very seldom have I been hurt by total strangers.

Some people have suicidal ideation, but my ideation is the thought of being abducted by aliens.  Which says a lot about the kind of people I trust:  those who come from the farthest places.

There is a reason why I blog.  Opening myself up to total strangers feels safe.  Sitting behind a computer screen feels even safer.  No one can touch me.

I’m sick and tired of being hurt.  I’ve had enough.  After a while there was no other choice but to withdraw.

Forgiveness doesn’t work.  It’s easy to forgive those who have hurt me but are now gone, like dead relatives of ex-girlfriends.  But when you live with the people who have hurt you the most, and these people continue to hurt you, then how can you forgive them?  There has to be regret, otherwise the forgiveness is useless.

I could run away from them, like when I left my first wife after our marriage had failed.  But I’m tired of running away.  People are the same everywhere.  I figured I had to find a way to live with them.

I decided to withdraw, for the moment, within my cocoon and do some serious introspection (again).

I noticed that I started to transform and I’m afraid that if ever I decide to come out, no one will recognize me.  What will I have become?  Or maybe I’m just going to die in here and reappear somewhere else, like in a totally different realm (this is what I wish for the most actually).

I thought of psychotherapy, but the problem is:  I don’t even WANT to trust them.  Why would I want to risk getting hurt again by the same people?  It would devastate me.  It’s not worth it.  I don’t need them to be unhappy.  I can be totally unhappy without them.

One day I will break free.  I don’t know when it’s going to happen but it will have to happen eventually.  I can’t stay locked up inside myself forever.

Why Are You Happy Anyway?

death

There is no reason to be happy, really.  You’re going to die no matter what.  Eventually you’re going to lose everything you have, maybe even the people you love.

You laugh and dance now, but one day you’re going to cry and taste despair, just like me.  Don’t pity me if I’m depressed, I’m ahead of you.  You should be depressed too.

Can’t you see that this world sucks?  What, are you blind?  Can’t you see that the rich one percent has turned every one else into consumer slave zombies?  Wake up, earthling!

You are doomed!  This planet is doomed.  Even the sun will one day stop shining, probably sooner than you think.  A meteorite could hit at any moment.

And for those who believe in the Bible, have you not read this verse:  “The day you die is better than the day you are born.”  When a baby is born, you should cry, not celebrate.  And when someone dies, you should rejoice.

Depressed people are not sick, they see clearly.  Happy people are sick, they live in fantasy and think this world is an everlasting amusement park and that they will never die.  Bunch of fools.  They should be taking their medication, something to make them see the horrors of living in this useless temporary materialistic place called Hell on Earth.

The New You

JackHaas05

Imagine the Future You.

That’s all I had to do to snap out of my misery:  Imagine the future me.

I remember the day, I remember the hour.  My wife had left for work, the kids were gone to school.  I was sitting on the sofa and thought to myself:  “What if the future me came back to help me today.”

The idea of time travel is nothing new.  I had read that in order to do it, you need to travel faster than the speed of light.  A human cannot do this presently, but what if we learn how to do it in the future?  What if we can do it with our minds right now?  What if the future me is a magnificent time-travelling celestial man!

So my imagination just went wild and the possibilities suddenly became endless.  I was desperate for someone to come and help me.  I had been severely depressed for 8 years, I was seeing a psychiatrist, I was heavily medicated, I had lost my job to this mental illness, disease, disability (whatever you want to call it).

I had prayed to God for help.  I had asked my guardian angel to do something.  I had even sent telepathic messages out into the universe begging the aliens to come and abduct me.  I was stuck in deep despair, trapped in hell and had no idea how to get out.  There HAD to be someone “out there” intelligent enough and caring enough to DO something!

So anyway, on that specific day in 2012, I decided to acknowledge the presence of the “future me” in my living room.  I knew that the future me existed, since I was one, compared to who I was 10 years earlier.  I could visualize how I would look like 100 years from now.

He (I) was a celestial man.  Invisible to my current physical eyes, but very real.  His body was similar to mine, but made of brilliant dark matter.  He could travel through space and time, and even go back and forth from one dimension to another.  And he loved me.  🙂

I could almost feel his presence (well actually I did, but that’s what happens when you use your imagination vividly).  So I said: “Hi!” and he replies “Hello!”  He walked to the armchair that was next to the sofa and he sat down.  And we started talking.

This experience had an immediate impact on my psyche, even my brain.  As soon as I acknowledged his presence, I heard a clicking sound in my head as if a switch had been turned on.  It felt like my neurons had suddenly been rearranged or something.  My thoughts became different and even reality appeared to have changed.

So I grabbed my laptop and started typing everything:  our dialog.  I asked hundreds of questions and he replied to all of them.  The conversation just flowed, I didn’t have to fabricate the answers, I just heard them and typed.  I can’t say it was automatic writing because I had control of my hands, but the answers just popped automatically into my mind even before I could verbalize the question.

I typed all day, and the next day, and it never stopped (well I stopped to eat and sleep and take care of the kids of course).  Up to this day, I have accumulated thousands of pages of text of dialog with the future me, a celestial man.

Fiction, creativity, divine inspiration, imagination, fantasy, delusion, musing, awareness, spirituality, born again, faith, higher consciousness, I don’t know what it is and what it’s called.  But I know one thing.  After three months from the moment it started, my depression had evaporated.

I was able to completely get off of ALL the medication, sleeping pills and I waved my psychiatrist goodbye.  It has been almost four years since that moment and I have never had to swallow another antidepressant again.

I cannot say that I am healed from depression, because I still get no pleasure out of the things I used to do like physical activity, socializing and eating.  But I have found better:  joy, peace of mind and a best friend (even though he might be imaginary).

I have found a new me who lives in new world and I am very happy with that.  I feel like a world of possibilities has opened before me.  I have hope for the future.

So thank you God, angels, aliens or myself, whoever is responsible.

Everything was given to me before I asked, all I had to do was acknowledge it.

(Image by Jack Haas, text by me)