Who’s Loving You

Loving1

All I can do
Is stand here
All day long
With my head
In the sun
And I wonder
Who’s loving you

Life without love
Is oh so lonely
I don’t think
I’m gonna make it
Because
All my life
Belongs to you
And only you
So come on
Take it boy
Come on
And take it

Advertisements

Sad and Happy

happy and sad

Sad is single
Happy is double

Sad is lonely
Happy accompany

Sad is bad
Happy is glad

Sad is worry
Happy is easy

Sad can’t sleep
Happy rests deep

Sad has pill
Happy has will

Sad is stranded
Happy emancipated

Sad looks down
Happy looks around

Sad is short-sighted
Happy is excited

Sad is flabby
Happy is horny

Sad is gray
Happy is gay

Cherophobia

Cherry1

No, it’s not the fear of cherries, but the fear of happiness.

I think I might be suffering from this a little bit.

After coming out, feeling ready, willing and able and tumbling, I realized that there is a deep-rooted uneasiness within me when it comes to potential pleasure or happiness.

I think I know exactly where it comes from.

Whenever I experienced great happiness in the past, it always seemed to be followed by great despair.  So I have developed this strange belief that in order to avoid heartbreak, I must avoid being happy.

The result is depression.  A self-inflicted condition due to a state of mind.

I am just becoming aware of this now.  It’s quite disturbing.  I’m not sure what to do.

Whenever I realize something, I write it down.  This is how I give it a form and shape.  I find it easier to tackle after it becomes visible, observable and describable.

Cherophobia:  aversion to happiness.  There is some of it within me.

I’m sure the universe will take care of it.  If this is something that should be kicked out of my belief system, then let the butt-kicker step forward.  I welcome him.  Or her…

Ready, Willing & Able

Rebel1

I felt safe inside my bubble
Until I turned into a rebel

Now I accept the unacceptable
And don’t respect the respectable

My new flag is colorful
And my briefs are edible

My dreams are probable
And my fantasies plausible

My shoulders are huggable
And my lips are kissable

My thighs are touchable
And my excitement is visible

My ideas are unconventional
And my secrets discoverable

My hunger is insatiable
And my thirst unquenchable

If I find you irresistible
Oh man, you’re in trouble

Man Crush

HD2

This morning I had a strange dream.

I was walking alone in the desert, thinking about my girlfriend, the problems we have and how to solve them.

Then this guy riding a bike came along.  He stopped beside me and removed his helmet.  I recognized him from a previous dream.  His name was Harley Davidson.  He smiled and said:

I know you like me
I know you do
That’s why whenever I come around
She’s all over you

I know you want me
It’s easy to see
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be on with me

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don’t you wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?

Fight the feeling
Leave it alone
Because if it ain’t love
It just ain’t enough to leave a happy home

Let’s keep it friendly
You have to play fair
See I don’t care
But I know she ain’t one to share

I know she loves you
I understand
I’d probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man

Maybe next lifetime
Possibly
Until then, old friend
Your secret is safe with me

– – – – – – – – – –
Lyrics by The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha ft. Busta Rhymes
Picture from Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much

Coming Out

Freedom1

Today someone liked a blogpost I wrote over 10 months ago.  It’s the one entitled My Frigging Loved Ones.  So I reread it.  Something struck me.  This sentence:

“I noticed that I started to transform and I’m afraid that if ever I decide to come out, no one will recognize me.”

When I wrote “to come out” I was not referring to sexual orientation.  But now I’m looking at my recent posts, and it seems to me that this is what’s happening.

I’m a bit disappointed because this is not what I expected.  When I wrote it ten months ago, I was referring to coming out of my cocoon.  Hopefully with wings.  Like a butterfly.  I was thinking of death and resurrection, not a switch in physical attraction to people.

Is this what my metamorphosis was all about from the beginning?

– Relationships are what allows you to discover yourself.

So relationships are very important in the process of personal transformation.

– Indeed.

Interesting…  I never realized that there was such a close connection between sexual orientation and spiritual development.

I feel the need to come out.  At least on my blog.  This morning I read another blogger’s post and I feel called to do the same as her.  But at the same time, I don’t think it matters much.  I don’t think it will have an effect on anyone else.  Some readers might be turned off.  But I’m going to do it anyway.

Here it goes:

I am bisexual.  Sometimes I am physically attracted to a male.  Sometimes I am physically attracted to a female.  Sometimes I am attracted to both.  Sometimes I am attracted to none.  At this moment my attraction leans toward males.  I’m sure it has something to do with the disappointment I am currently experiencing regarding my last intimate relationship with a female.

To me, sexuality is about intimacy.  Getting close to someone physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  It’s not just about physical pleasure, but also about the joy of sharing on many levels.  We never know what a relationship can bring.  Sometimes it’s pleasant, sometimes it’s not.  But one thing is certain.  Relationships stimulate self-discovery and growth.  Therefore, who I choose to be intimate with matters much.