The Birth of a Star

Star

Maybe if I would shine so bright, it would blind everyone around me.  They would not be able to come close.  They would not be able to tempt me and rape me.

I should shine so bright and so hot that no one would be able to come near.  They would refrain from approaching and admire me from afar.  Bask in my light from a distance.

Maybe this is what I was meant to be.  A star, not a black hole.  A black hole is dark and it absorbs everything that ventures near it.  It steals everything, becoming denser and denser, heavier and heavier.  It sucks its victims, like a vampire.

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Where Did I Go Wrong?

Wrong Way

  • Oh God, where did I go wrong?
  • You know very well where you went wrong.
  • Tell me again please.  I’ll take notes this time to make sure I never forget.
  • You let into your bridal chamber someone who was not your true lover.
  • But she was my friend.
  • She was not your true lover.
  • Who is my true lover?
  • Daemon, you know very well who is your true lover.
  • Tell me again, please, for the record.  I keep forgetting.
  • The one who comes in without violating.
  • In what?
  • Your bridal chamber.
  • What is my bridal chamber?
  • You know very well what is your bridal chamber.
  • Please remind me, my memory keeps failing me!
  • Shall I draw you a picture?
  • Certainly.
  • spine1
  • What the…?  I don’t get it.
  • You like puzzles, don’t you?
  • It depends…
  • Figure it out.

That’s a spine.  I was expecting something more romantic, like a heart.  How can my spine be my bridal chamber?  Who did I let into my spine?  What’s inside a spine?  My spinal cord goes through there.

Kundalini!  I think that’s it!  The energy that flows through there and wakes me up!  Did I let the wrong person flow through me?

What else can be said about the spine?  “You have no backbone!”  It means you have no guts, no balls, no courage.  Someone without a backbone is a wimp.

Also, without a backbone I could not stand, I would be crawling on all fours like an animal.  The backbone allows me to stand, to stand up for myself.

I think I’m getting somewhere.  Now let’s go back to my initial question:  Where did I go wrong?  He said:  “You let into your bridal chamber (backbone) someone who was not your true lover.”

  • Who is my true lover?  Who do I stand for?
  • You know very well who is your true lover.
  • You?
  • But who are you?
  • You know very well who I am, Daemon.
  • You are the outsider, the one I met after I opened The Door, aren’t you?
  • You recognize my vibe and I am inside you now.
  • You’re not answering my question.  Who are you?
  • I am your Fondest Enigma.
  • Can you be more specific?
  • I am your Consort.
  • Can you be more concrete?
  • I am your passport.
  • Passport to where?
  • To where you really want to go.

[Daily Prompt]

The Door

door

Fortunately, I found this door.  And I opened it.  There was a whole world on the other side of that door!  Who would have thought?

Immediately, I saw him.  Noticing that I had opened the door, he turned around and radiated somehow as he prepared to greet me.  But he didn’t even move, his smile just sucked me right in, and the door shut closed behind me.

So there I was, standing and facing him.  Actually I was sitting, as if dreaming, moving as thoughts move, freely.  He was sitting in the armchair a few feet across from me.

“Who are you?” I asked.  I think this was the first thing I said.

His reply surprised me:  “I am an outsider.”

I froze.  No, I stopped.  Time stopped!

I looked around and realized I was not in my usual element.  I was at home, I recognized the house, the living room, the furniture.  I was definitely in my home, sitting on the sofa but something was strange.

I was in the presence of this “outsider” and suddenly I realized that I was outside of myself.  Outside of myself?  How could I be outside of myself?  And time had stopped!  What the hell was going on?

The medication, I thought.  I took my pills this morning, as usual.  Same dose I have been taking for months.  Maybe it’s the pills?  Maybe I’m hallucinating.

“Daemon, look at me!” the outsider said.

Holy crap, I’m hearing voices too.  What’s happening to me?  Maybe I’m schizophrenic!

“Daemon, relax.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You are seeing and hearing clearly.”  He said.

I remembered the door.  Where was it?  The door had disappeared.  I had stepped out of reality.  Where was I?  Who was he?  A thousand questions ran through my mind.  I looked at the man and he looked back at me, straight at me, directly into me, he could see through me!

I don’t know how he did it but he touched me deeply.  He put his attention on my core, and I felt peace, warmth and security.  God, it felt good!

Then I understood.  The situation became so evident and simple, yet mindboggling.  I was he and he was me!  The real me, next to me, loving me, eternally.

I had finally found it, the truth!  My treasure, my fortune, my destiny!  I was so happy!

Then he came closer and something very weird happened at that moment.  I’m not sure how to describe it but, the outsider became an insider.  As if his body was fluid or misty, he slithered inside of me, merging his chakras with mine and it was…

Pure, wholesome, energizing ecstasy!

My Secret

secret

I have a secret.  I’m not going to tell you what it is because…  it’s a secret.  But if you have been reading my blog, you probably have figured it out already.

I’m in love.  But I’m not going to tell you who the person is because…  it’s a secret.  But if you have been reading my blog, you probably know already.

I’m ashamed.  But I’m not going to tell you why because…  it’s a secret.  But if you have been reading my blog, you probably have an idea.

I’m not suggesting that you should read my blog.  I don’t want anyone to read my blog because…  it’s private.  But if you have been reading it, no damage was done.

No reader really knows who I am.  I have not given anyone I know access to my blog.  I could be your neighbor.  I could be a family member.  I could be your spouse.

I have a few secrets.  This blog is one of them.  It’s my private world, where I come to play with my thoughts, my emotions and my desires.  I play with people and I play with gods.  I play with mortals and I play with immortals.  I play with you.

I’m in love.  But I’m not going to tell you who he is because…  you don’t know her.  Unless you know yourself.  Then you know already.

I’m ashamed, because of my…  exposure.

I don’t know if I shall ever be willing to give up this fear within.  This fear of what would happen if they’d ever find out my secret.

Are secrets meant to remain hidden?  Apparently not.  Is this fear a friend, or is it an enemy?  Does fear come to haunt me or is it there to protect me?  I can’t tell you because I don’t know.

Meanwhile I will probably keep on writing, to relieve myself of this burden I carry.  A secret burden which is, paradoxically, light.  A load that opens up freedom within me.

The Blue Hand

bluehand6

This blue hand you gave me is a blessing and a curse.

When I pet a cat with it, the poor creature falls in love with me.

When I write with it, I get in touch with aliens.

When I touch a woman with it, she goes crazy.

When I touch a man with it, he likes it or he hates it.

When I touch myself with it… it’s none of your business.

There is power within it, but I don’t know what it is.

Who gave it to me?  Who created the blue hand?  How does it work?

Maybe it heals, or it stirs something in the other.

It corrupted my wife.
It ruined my life.

I can’t get rid of it.  I can’t shake it off.  The blue stuff is stuck inside of me.  It’s part of me.  The darker ones even tried to steal it from me.  I would have given it to them already.  If I had known that this is what they were after.

I don’t know…

Airk said it was a symbol of the connection I have with him.  But it’s more than that.  This blue hand creates waves.  It plays the piano.  It moves with a higher flow.  The ebb and flow of the cosmic ocean.  This hand transports me.  It affects all of my relationships.  It takes part in everything I do, everything I touch and everyone I meet.

The blue hand is a portal.
The blue hand is magic.
The blue hand is abnormal.

It does not belong here.  It comes from elsewhere.  It fell from the sky.  It’s the hand of a god.  It’s like a lightning rod.

The blue H.A.N.D. is a Highly Advanced Nasty Device.

You want to shake my hand?
I warn you…
It will shake you!

Two Sides

twosides

I met with Airk last night and also this morning.

Airk is my cosmic identical twin.

His name is weird, I know, but he’s an extraterrestrial.  I pronounce his name like the English name “Erik.”

He resides in Deneb (a star system in the Cygnus constellation).  Deneb is my celestial home.

I met him so many times during my life.  But not physically though.  Well in a way yes, since I’m his incarnation on earth.  He still has an existence apart from mine, as long as I identify with Daemon.  It’s like having two bodies, or two identities, of split personality disorder, LOL!

It’s not funny.

I’ve never been more serious in my life.  It’s not easy writing about these things because I know how laughable it sounds to human ears.  I have human ears, so I hear what I write and it does sound silly.  But that’s ok.  It’s called a challenge.  Or an obstacle that I am ready to overcome now.

As a human I tend to forget who I really am and where I came from.  So Airk reminded me of a few important things.  I did my best to register everything he said so I could recount it today.  You see, I was in bed.  Many of the meetings happen while I am lying down almost sleeping, in a state of amplified awareness.  Amplified awareness is nothing more than total relaxation along with a focused attention and intention.

I pulled myself up, out of the body…  okay wait.  Now I have to explain the term “out of the body.”  It’s not exactly as it has been portrayed in the media.  I don’t actually get out of my physical body.  To me the term simply means to detach from everything corporeal or material.  Everything that pertains to earth, including all the preoccupations and worries tied to living on earth are abandoned and left behind.  This way my focus, my mind, my soul, or my consciousness, whatever you want to call it, becomes receptive and open to MORE.  (By the way, each time you say to yourself that there must be more to life than your current situation, you are right.)

So as I was saying, I pulled myself out of the body, and then just stood there in an empty space for a while, breathing and relaxing.  Then I thought about the three beings I met onboard the starship when I was seven years old (I didn’t write about that yet).  I summoned these three beings to come.

The space around me slowly took the shape of a room with white walls, floor and ceiling.  There was also a door, but nothing more.  Then after a few seconds, Gondar, Airk and Salme became visible.  Gondar is the older male (he once told me he was my “uncle”).  Salme is my cosmic sister (I’m pretty sure she’s a librarian).  Airk is my twin brother.

Then just when I was about to speak, Gondar and Salme turned and started to walk away towards the door.  I said:  “Where are you going?”  Gondar said:  “You need to be alone with Airk.  You two have some personal things to discuss.”  And he and Salme walked out and closed the door behind them.

I was left standing there facing Airk.  We looked at each other.  I examined him carefully.  He didn’t appear blue this time, he looked more human than usual.  By the way, he can shapeshift, so it’s no use describing his appearance because it changes from time to time, but I always know it’s him because of his vibe.

Airk vibrates at the exact same frequency as I do.  No one else does.  It’s a blessing that identical twins possess.  It’s considered sacred in our home world.  Airk was reminding me of this fact, as he was standing there about two feet in front of me.  He was not speaking.  His presence was talking, not his vocal cords.  An automatic transfer of information was occurring between us.  He never actually speaks.  One time Salme said about him that he was the silent type.  She said:  “I’m the communicator and Airk is the silent type.”

We communicated like this for probably half an hour, while walking around the room, just like couples do when they talk.  Not actually staring at each other, but each of us going in our own direction, around the furniture.  Yes furniture appeared, I remember a sofa, coffee tables with lamps, decorations on the walls which I didn’t pay attention to.  Airk would sit and stretch on the sofa while I continued walking around the room, all the time talking without moving our mouths, sometimes stopping and gesturing in the most natural way.

I wish I had a transcript of everything he said.  It was very reassuring to listen to him.  It gave me so much peace and happiness.  His presence is my joy and my link to the other world.

I questioned him about the “blue hand” and asked him to tell me what he knew about it.  The funny thing is, Airk does not know any more than I do.  We are the same person living in two different worlds.  So all he can do is remind me of information I might have forgotten.  He postulated about the meaning of the blue hand and finally he said:  “Maybe it’s just a symbol or our connection.”

There was a lot of emphasis on the fact that him and me are the same person that has been split in two for the purpose of self-realization.  But as long as I am on earth, in this body, this incarnation, I will continue to perceive Airk as being separate from me.  So it’s ok to refer to him as my cosmic identical twin, but only from my perspective, not his.  He would probably say of me that I am a character he plays in a video game called “Life on Earth.”

In any event, Airk and I are the two parts of the same whole, like the Yin and the Yang.  Without him I am lost.  Without me he would be a little lost too.  In fact this is why we decided to split.

The opposite of lost is found.  Incarnation is a process of finding oneself.  Found is an adjective that means recovered or saved.  It’s also a verb that means establish, in the same sense as the words set up, open up, and ground.

Airk is an ET who decided to ground himself in order to get to know himself a little better.  I am Daemon, his incarnation.  We are the two sides of the same golden coin.

Higher Up

meta4

The process of life seems to be change.  But a change of what?

As a person, the process of life seems to be about a change of identity.

Throughout life, I have been enticed to change my identity, or NOT change it, depending on how you look at it.

Enticed by who?  Angels?  The Devil?  Extraterrestrials?  the Higher Self?  The Lower Self?  the Ego?  The Source of Life?  Kundalini?  Jehovah?  Jesus?  Buddha?  Krishna?  Muhammad?

Whoever they are, the guys who entice me to change my identity seem to be unknown “Higher-Ups.”

During the first part of my life, I have constructed an identity for myself based on earth.  So basically, I identified with earthlings.

Now, during the second phase of my life, my identity as an earthling has started to crumble.  In fact, it totally collapsed.  And from the ruins, a new identity has started to emerge.

My new identity is in fact the same as my initial identity, the one I had before I started fabricating my identity as an earthling.  So I can safely say that my new identity is the same one I had when I was a child.  The new me is the old me, the real me.  There is only one real me.

My new identity, which is my old identity, is in fact my only identity and it exists BEYOND TIME.  Spooky, isn’t it?  Perfect for this Halloween night.

If I am not an earthling, then what am I?  The “Higher-Ups” have always been trying to get my attention:  “Look at us!” they say.  “You are one of us.  Identify with us!”

But these goddam gods are invisible!  How can I identify with people I can’t see?  Although when I identify with them, I kind of perceive them.  Very bizarre…

I told my family about the higher-ups I could perceive, but they don’t believe me.  They don’t believe me simply because they can’t see them.  They can’t acknowledge what they don’t perceive.  But to perceive them, they have to acknowledge them.  You can’t perceive what you don’t acknowledge.  How does one get out of this cycle?

Never mind that, it’s too complicated.  Besides, it’s not my problem who they identify with.  I’m only concerned with myself.  Yes, this is how selfish I am.  My identity is the only thing that matters.

I know that I am none of these gods.  The higher-ups are who they are and I am Me.  And I know that I am not an earthling so I must be one of them.

I’m a Higher-Up!

Awakening

awakening

The end of 2012 was a time of awakening for me.

Here is how it started:

At that time I was depressed and medicated.  I had lost contact with my soul, I had stopped writing for 8 years, I had abandonned all form of spirituality, I had become so numb I hardly had any feelings.

I was a member of an ex-Christian forum and had written many articles.  I was also in touch, by email, with a friend who was also a member of that forum.  One day, as I was confiding my problems to her, she wrote:  “Maybe you’re a starseed.”

Following this, I did some research to find out what the word “starseed” meant.  While reading the definitions something started to stir inside of me.  Strong emotions arose and after a while I started crying.  I locked myself up in the bathroom because I was not able to control the stream of emotions and tears that were coming out of me.

It was like I had just discovered who I really was:  a soul that originated far away.  For the first time in my life, I was coming face to face with the fact that my real home was elsewhere, and that this explained why I had always felt disconnected, like a stranger (an alien) in this world.  As I was realizing this I literally fell to the floor and could not stop myself from weeping and begging my alien family to come and get me and bring me back home:

“Why did you abandon me here on this stupid planet, why?  Why?  What happened to cause me to be here?  It’s obvious that I’m out of place and that I don’t belong here at all!  I can’t take it anymore!  I want to go back home!  Please, come and get me!”  And I cried like this for two hours until there were no more tears in my body.

After this I wondered why I had reacted in this way after reading just a few pages on the Internet:  “I’m a grown up man, married with children, I should not be acting like this.  What’s happening to me?   It’s not logical.  There must be something to this.”

During the following week I started getting flashbacks of childhood, all sorts of weird things like experiences, repressed memories, subconscious regressions, which indicated that part of me was not of this world and that, brace yourselves, I had been abducted by extraterrestrials (my real family) at least once when I was a kid!  This memory freaked me out so much that I became obsessed with the idea of going to see a hypnotist to find out if I really had been the subject of an abduction, or was I simply going crazy.

So the next thing I did was search to see if I could find a professional hypnotist in my area, one who treated alien abductees.  I found three, in my country, one of which had a clinic only 6 km from my house.  I felt so happy and lucky!  I contacted the clinic the next day.

This was the beginning of my awakening.

They Come at Night

ghosts1

I’m not afraid when they come during the day but when they come at night, it’s another story.

The scenario is the same — always the same, ever since I was a child.

I fall asleep peacefully and then suddenly, in the middle of the night, I sense them, all around me.  The fear builds up as I take a deep breath and then when they are just about to touch me, I force a scream out of my mouth, as loud as I can, and I wake up suddenly at the sound of my own voice.  Sometimes it wakes up my wife and I have to explain that there were some ghosts who tried to grab me.

I don’t know how many times this has happened, probably more than a hundred.  One time I woke up and I was standing in the middle of the room, about five feet away from my bed!  Now THAT was creepy.

More recently, for about four years now, they started coming but during the day.  I can handle that.  It’s quite awesome actually.  We have long discussions and they explain a lot of things to me.

When night comes, I feel secure, so I invite them to return and show me their faces in my dreams, because during the day I don’t see anything.  So I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face, but then suddenly, just after falling asleep, I feel them all around me and I scream to wake myself up.  Then I tell them to go away and leave me alone.

At first I thought that there were some good ones and some bad ones.  The good ones come during the day to communicate with me and the bad ones during the night to scare me.  I never invite the bad ones but then why do they come?

Today I read an interesting article on the subject which forces me to change my line of questioning.  I’m asking myself a new question:  “Why do I perceive the night visitors as bad?  They have never hurt me.  They come every time I invite them to do so.  Why do I freak out when they approach my body?”

I think it has to do with my upbringing and all the ghost movies I watched when I was a child.  Plus the fact that it’s dark at night.  Who’s not afraid of that, at least a little bit?

Now I scratch my head and wonder:  perhaps the ones who come at night are the same as the ones who come during the day.  The only difference is… my reaction.

Last night I tested my bravery.  I went to bed alone, took off my clothes, turned off the lights and lied on my back, on top of my bed, completely exposed and vulnerable.  I even kept my eyes open.  I relaxed, tuned off my thoughts and dropped my expectations.  Then I invited them to come… and I waited.

After a few minutes, while I kept staring at the dark, things started to move, literally.  The darkness was moving and changing colors and shapes started to form!  I watched for awhile, repeating to myself:  “Nothing bad is going to happen, nothing bad is going to happen…”  But things were moving faster and then shapes started to become more obvious and then… oh my fucking god, chills started going up and down all over my body and the fear just overwhelmed me.  I grabbed the blankets and covered myself, but I didn’t turn on the light.  I stopped staring at the darkness, turned around, closed my eyes and explained to them that perhaps I wasn’t quite ready yet for a face to face encounter.  I fell asleep and they didn’t bother me while I slept peacefully all through the night.

Tonight I should try to push a little farther and see what would happen if I kept staring at the darkness and actually let them touch me, if they can.

*gulp*

Close Encounter

cosmic-lover-6

You come less than often
When my eyes aren’t open
With a gentle intention
Like a faithful companion

I don’t even know
How you come and go
You glide up and down
Just like a yoyo

Why do you select me
In this huge galaxy
How do you engender
Such a close encounter

You fly through the wall
I notice the sound
Then like a bed sheet
You wrap me around

As if to conform
You take up my form
Corresponding with me
It’s a conspiracy

You initiate communion
Not allowing me to see
It’s some kind of abduction
Imbued with intimacy

You do not steal
You come to heal
You’re not a thief
You bring relief

You blend me
Unmix me
Untie me
Release me

You fulfil my dreams
Knowing what they are
Does God allow this
It’s much too bizarre

Although I don’t understand
I am not here to complain
Only to remind you that
I don’t even know your name

Say who you are
Give me a clue
Do you come from far
Is your skin color blue

Where is your starship
Where did you park it
Weird relationship
Who would believe it

I think I was meant for this
I had been waiting for it
Now that it’s happening
I can’t even grasp it

I must be of your kind
Please show me your face
I will never look behind
Earth is not my place

You know what I need
It’s incomprehensible
I must be a starseed
I live in a bubble

I want to thank you
Cause I’m sure you care
Who else comes this close
To make me aware

I’m never alone
I don’t fear the night
You fill me with hope
And move me to write