Closed-Minded Family

closed-minded5

So I decided to test my coming out with one member of my family, the one I am closest to.

I told this person that I was bisexual and that I had found someone online that I was interested in.  I said that I had made plans to meet that person face to face within the next week.

The reaction was worse than I expected.  She had a panic attack, didn’t sleep that night and called in sick the next day.  Finally I was able to reassure her a bit and this is what she said to me:

“You can do what you want with your life, but I don’t want to hear about it.  Anything that has to do with your bisexuality, I don’t want to hear about it because I will never understand it.  You can talk to me about anything you want, but not about that.  It makes me panic and it makes me sick.  I love you and I cannot stand it when you say you want to meet new people, possibly for sex.  Nothing could hurt me more.  I am here for you, and you can do what you want with your friends but don’t tell me about it.  I don’t want to know because it hurts too much.”

I was surprised to hear that this person does not want to know anything about my sexuality and my private life.  I actually thought she was interested in me, but it is clear that she is not interested in this part of me.  And maybe it’s a good thing.  I feel free now.  Free not to come out to my closed-minded family.

It also makes me question the maturity of Christian heterosexuals.  The fluidity of their own sexuality scares the hell out of them.  Just like it used to scare the hell out of me.

If they wish to act as if sexuality does not exist, fine.  I can do that.  So if they ask me what I’m up to, I shall say this:  “I’m meeting new people.  Nothing sexual can happen because sexuality does not exist.  It only exists between a man and woman who are married.  Anything outside of this is sickening, perverted pornography.  Keep your blindfolds, I don’t care, but I’m walking out because I had enough of this shit.”

They won’t know what the hell I’m talking about.  But I will smile.

8 thoughts on “Closed-Minded Family”

  2. One of the biggest reasons I didn’t say anything to my family for the longest time was the fear of rejection. I didn’t hide the fact that I liked men very well (or very well, I guess on purpose) so I just let people in my family talk amongst themselves. I thought if I didn’t “officially” tell them, that was good enough. One day, I snapped out of it (after my aunt publically posted really anti-gay stuff) and made one long post that I was gay and I had been in a relationship with the same man for over a decade. I was like – you know what, fuck them if they don’t like me. I know that I’m a good person, so if they want to make a big deal out of something that’s not such a big deal, let them. I will admit that it’s really, really hard for me to talk openly to my mother about my relationships and even my upcoming marriage next year. Thankfully, we’re not very religious. I think now, she just wants me to be happy with whoever. I’m okay with that.

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  3. I came out to my closeeeeest cousin. I was hoping he’d be more in tune with things as he’s younger to me. He had almost the same reaction, “why are you doing this to ur mom n dad?” Then he went n told to his mom and she told my mom and …things got out of hand. I panicked and denied when my dad confronted me.
    So I never came out to anyone else. Till I came out to mom n Dad finally after many years.
    That’s my greatest regret-the years I wasted inside the closet. In the end the only people who really need to know, definitely, were my parents. Even tho they haven’t accepted till date, they still avoid talking about it too, a huge weight is off my shoulders.
    All through my 20s I was like what happens in my bedroom is none of anyone else’s business. Yes it isn’t. But not coming out wasn’t such a great idea in hindsight.

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  4. Pingback: Metamorphosis: On Bisexuality | REPSYCHL

  5. I am sorry your relative was such an ass. Good for you that you know how to handle yourself. I love your cryptic statement re being unable/unwilling to discuss anything related to “sexuality” since the hearer believes it doesn’t exist. That is a very logical idea.

    Many “mature” religious people, especially “straight and narrow” Christians are unfortunately not “mature humans.” You are right that some are terrified of sexual fluidity- even there own.

    Just like those Christians think they are “sowing seed” and being a Christian “witness,” in the same way you also are sowing seeds of authenticity and being an example of self-acceptance. Your cousin is not only unable to listen to you but is unable to listen to her own heart on matters that her religion has not allowed her to think about…Some of these people will secretly remember you as an example when they struggle to accept themselves apart from their religion.

    I became religious at 18 to try to pray away the gay/bisexualitay 😏 but I still remember all the gay-accepting level-headed folks I spoke to and remember how much sense they made even as I tried to hold on to my wrong beliefs….I remember every self-accepting lgbt person I ever talked to and eventually witnessing the reality of their lives became more real than religious belief that kept failing in the face of lived experience. I’m happy for you that you were able to accept yourself and live your life at an earlier stage than me! Keep living your life for you! And also know that you may be serving as a living witness to others and impacting others even if you have no clue it is happening! 😃

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