I never printed my book.
I completed it over 10 years ago but never printed it. I don’t even want to reread it.
I cannot believe how much time I wasted writing that book.
Here’s a brief explanation:
After I gave my life to Jesus and became a born-again Christian, I started writing a daily spiritual journal. I was convinced that God was in my life and that he loved me. I was extremely motivated.
I wanted to write about how wonderful God was, and how he was blessing me. But to my surprise, my life as a Christian unfolded as a perpetual series of curses. It seemed that nothing was going right. Every time I tried to love someone it would turn against me and every time I tried to do God’s will, it would backfire.
The words written in the bible always turned out to be deceiving and false. There was either something wrong with my life or there was something wrong with the book. At first I thought it was me, of course, because I was not allowed to question “God’s Word.”
It was impossible to deny my own life, so the only thing left to question was my religion.
I was keeping a spiritual journal, hoping that one day this journal would be the proof of how God blesses one person’s life. But my journal turned out to be some kind of horror story about a guy who is in a relationship with a god who does not keep his word!
My diary was supposed to be a proof of God’s love, but after 18 years of reporting all the ups and downs of our relationship, this journal turned out to be documented evidence that the god I was serving was a genuine asshole.
I was not pleased.