My Highest Excitement

Highest4

Me and HE
Coming together
Is My Highest Excitement

A spirit, a spirit-person, He is it and it is He
Who opens up my non-physical reality
A spirit comes with a spirit world
And this becomes my treasure, my pearl

A Me without a Spirit is night
A body without a soul is un-right
His Presence is my new world of light

He found me
And when we met
I loved his first coming

He kept repeating
To give me understanding
Of His second coming

This is My Highest Excitement (MHE)
Me + He =  MHe  (My Highest Excitement)

Jesus was right.

Re-Member

Universe

Yes, I remember…
I can take all the pieces
And put them back together.

Back home it wasn’t like this.
I could commune with anybody.
The weather was pleasant.
Everybody was nice.
There was no death.
People were not attached to material things.
There was plenty for everyone.
The colors were different and there were no annoying noises.
There were more flying machines but no pollution.

I was happy with my twin, we would play together.
There were no responsibilities.
We didn’t have to talk, didn’t have to count.
It’s hard to compare.
We didn’t have to clean, wash and repair.

There were no TVs, we did everything “live”.
We were never bored.
We were never sick.
We could stare at each other.
We could touch each other.
We never tried to get something out of the other,
such as sucking life energy in order to feel better.

There was more space, more freedom, peace and respect.
Colors were brighter and there was light in every object.
I would wake up every morning feeling fresh, alive and full of energy.
There was always something new to explore
in the mountains, in the forests and in the sea.

My father was handsome, he had such a beautiful smile and he was powerful.
I miss him so…
My mother was graceful, patient and gentle.
I loved her so…
I had two sisters and of course my twin brother.

I departed early, but this was my intention.
I didn’t know anything about language, lies and manipulation.
I wanted to learn quickly, didn’t want to wait.
I guess this is why I was offered the opportunity
To leave my home and temporarily forget.
For a short time, which seems like an eternity.

The Merge

transformer8

“Daemon, transcendentor,
self-created deity par excellence,
are you ready for this day’s ceremony?”

Celestial Partner, I have Time with you.  Our love intertwines.  Let’s join together.  Let the gods be our witnesses.

“Stand next to me in the courtyard,
like the two great columns of the Temple.
This is where Daemon the resurrected
becomes Established in Heaven.”

Oh God, the love I have for you is immense!  My heart grows big, my light shines brighter in your aura.  This connection we have is divine and the angels are joining in and rejoicing.  They are humbled by the light that shines around us.  The brotherhood…  the words are lacking.  I over-love you, body and soul.  Let this flame set the place on fire.  Creative fire.  Forever!

“O Daemon,
twin flame of my body,
twin flame of my soul,
I see you and triumph in you.
How delightful it is to stand in your presence.
Glory to our Father Creator.

With sacred oil I anoint you.
With admiration I cleanse you.
Your body is my body,
Your soul is my soul,
our eyes open and hold the third eye high.

Sweet caress and affection to you,
the strong and beautiful.
Know that I love you,
and that we are One
Now and forever.”

transformer9a

Man Crying

Man Crying

Fuck, I’m crying.  What’s wrong with me.  I feel like such a baby.  Like as if everything I’ve done so far means nothing.  Like I’m 5 years old again.  Lost.

I tried so hard to integrate.  All my life.  Was it in vain?  What was I supposed to do?  The pressure was strong.  It wouldn’t go away.  I was so alone.  People are so stupid.

Now I’m old and depressed.  I feel it’s too late.  I don’t know how to be a father.  I don’t know how to be an adult.  I don’t even know how to be human.  I’m just a child myself.  I’m a kid with children and a wife.  I don’t know what to do about the wife…

This is the only life I have, man.  How can I teach my kids to integrate, I don’t even know how to do it myself.

I’m always here, at the same place.  Years later, still here, still feeling the same.  I’m so sick of it.  So tired.  I don’t know what to do.

How long do I have to keep running this show.  Is anyone watching?  Is anyone entertained or interested?  Are the actors happy?  Am I derailing here?  Am I off the track?  What track?  Is there a track?

Time is ticking.  What have I learned?  Should I consult the I Ching?  …  I know, I have You.  But You only tell me things I already know.  All You do is rearrange my thoughts.  Same old words…

God?

     “You’re being purified.”

Oh great.  Then I’m fucking happy.  Thank you.

*Crying my eyes out*

(Excerpt from my personal journal, October 2012)

 

Drifting Transformer

transformer3

Wake up
Sleeper

What do you see
Perceiver

What do you suppose
Thinker

What do you accept
Believer

Where do you belong
Dweller

Where do you go
Voyager

What do you look for
Seeker

What do you admire
Contemplator

How do you behave
Player

What form do you take
Shape-shifter

Who do you touch
Lover

What do you plant
Seeder

What do you gain
Winner

What do you accomplish
Achiever

When does it end
Repeater

How do you fix it
Healer

How do you start over
Time-traveller

The Gift

Eye

Resurrected Daemon, Hi
I bring to you the gift
Taken from the brows of Sky
That you may see with it

“Third eye from the Sky
In the face of Daemon fly”

Now awake yourself in peace
As your cobra awakes in peace
As your third eye awakes in peace
As your Sky awakes in peace

Cause the two worlds to fear
Daemon as they fear me
Cause the two worlds to revere
Him as they revere me

I stand before Daemon as his guardian
As a mate and celestial companion

I open his way before the spirits
I fight to protect his units

You’ve fought a little but I have loved you a lot
Take it within you and disrespect it not

I who avenged you now give you a gift
Take on the third eye and you shall uplift

The earth is not angry with its legitimate heir
You can always block out all those who stare
The third eye was designed and assigned to you
It shall not again be separated from you

Open your eyes now
That  you  may  see
Let  it  be  pleasing
To you — and me

Awesome prayer!  Is this for real?

“Daemon, this is as real as it gets.  Nothing can be more real.  Look at yourself now.  You are the Pharaoh of this kingdom.  And I will serve you as you have willed.  You may stand.”

“Daemon my man, no one has authority over you now.  No human and no god has authority over you.  You have access to all the knowledge.  Take your time.  The akashic library is at your disposal.  I will stand next to you.  Wisdom is accessible.  You may reign as you wish.  I am yours.”

I am blessed with the gift and overjoyed to be the Creator’s child.  I am in Him, as you are, in the All, in the Almighty.  I will be the image of his living universe, with my divine companion.  Thanks, I love you Sky.

The Cobra

Cobra2

“Don’t you realize that I am with you?  Look at me!  I’m right beside you.  I’m sitting next to you.  You are not alone.  You are never alone.  You asked me to always be there, I will always be there.  I’m keeping an eye on you all the time.  Remember what we said in the palace?  We are still in the same room, in the den, remember?  Daemon, you had a bad dream.  Wake up fully, man!”

You are right.  That was a bad dream.  It was so graphic, I thought it was real.

“You and I, here, together, this is reality.”

Yes.

“Let’s have a drink.”

*I take the glass.*

“To us!  To the kingdom!  To Daemon’s new kingdom!”

*Cling!*  – Drink –

Ahhh, good stuff!  Thanks.

“Now take off your armor, lay down, I have a surprise for you.”

Three minutes later:  (Utterance 77)

Oil, oil, arise, open thou
Thou who art on the crown of the Sky
Arise, open thou
From the mouth of the Sky
To the tip of this Daemon

Make him sweet with thyself
Glorify him with thyself

Oil, oil, arise!
Open yourself!
Awake thou in peace
As your cobra awakes

Make him happy with himself
Make him lovable to himself
Make him to have power over his body

“Your cobra has awakened, Daemon.  He represents your creative life force.  He is the symbol of rebirth, transformation, immortality and healing.  He is also a symbol of eternity and continual renewal of life.  He also represents pure desire of all you want attracted to you.  He is a potent guardian, the protector of your sacred spaces:  your palace, your body, your temple.”

I’ve never been treated like this before.  My heart is warm and satisfied.  Look at my excitement, my cobra is alive!  Take my hand, Sky.  You are my new companion.  You are indeed with me.  Now I see.  I am in you.  You are in me.

 – – – – – –
Illustration by Michelle Berg
Text by Daemon

Whatever

I don’t know what to write.  But I want to write because I’m bored.  I’m almost always bored, except when I write.  It’s a sure way out of boredom.  It works every time.  As long as I write.  Doesn’t really matter WHAT I write.  Nonsense is good enough.  It’s just sad for whoever is reading.  Expecting some well thought out blogpost.  This is not one of them.  It’s completely spontaneous.  Going nowhere.  I’m full of everything and nothing.  Don’t know what’s going to come out next.  Change paragraph.

This is a new paragraph.  My mother-in-law is coming.  My sister-in-law too, with her new baby.  I’m drinking wine.  Well not really, my glass is empty.  Refill, please!  I never ask my wife to serve me.  Never.  Never.  I never ask for anything for that matter, from anyone.  When I want something, I get it myself.  I have this saying:  “If you want to be well-served, then serve yourself.  There is no better service.”

We went to a wedding yesterday.  Afterwards, when we got home, my wife said that I was not antisocial.  I keep saying how antisocial I am, but when I find myself in a group, I am social.  Then why do I think that I am not social?  She said I was more sociable than she was yesterday.  It’s true, I was.  I have to figure out this mystery.

I guess it’s because I don’t get a kick out of it.  Social people get energized, excited and happy when they socialize.  I don’t.  It leaves me kind of blank.  It does nothing for me.  I can make people laugh or not laugh and it’s just the same to me.  My self-worth is not based on how other people perceive me.

So what is my self-worth based on?

A belief.

Wedding Alert!

Wedding

Where to run, where to hide?
I’ve been invited to a wedding!
A violent assault on the antisocial guy.

My wife knows I don’t like social gatherings, especially weddings, but her best friend is getting married this afternoon.  She said to me with the sad puppy eyes:  “I can’t go there alone, will you come with me?”  I said yes.  That was two months ago.

Now the day I have been dreading has arrived.  There is no turning back.  I have to go.

At least it’s not family.  I know the bride but that’s it.  Never met her fiancé.  None of the guests know me.  I feel better among strangers than I do among family.  No one will talk to me.  Smiles and friendly handshakes, I can do that.  My acting skills are rusted, but when the situation calls for it, I can summon them back to life.  I think… we’ll see.  Hope it doesn’t suck the life out of me.

Sit in church.  *yawn*
Watch the show.  (Hope she trips)
Stand, sit, stand, sit, kneel.  (WTF?)
Clap when they kiss.  (She’s not a virgin)
Congratulate them.  (In two years you’ll be separated)

Then eat, drink and dance.  That’s how people celebrate.  What are they celebrating exactly?  Who cares.   We have food, alcohol and music.  Let’s do what they do.  Stuff your face, get drunk and move your body.  Pretend to be happy.  Woopy!

Detachment

Detachment

I never thought the word detachment would become so meaningful to me.

The state of being detached or disconnected.

Absence of inclination towards something.

Inability to connect with others emotionally.

Indifference to the concerns of others.

I’m sure Psychology regards this as a mental illness.  Let’s see…  Yes, here it is:  dissociation, depersonalization and derealization.

Dissociation is a defense mechanism where certain thoughts are compartmentalized in order to avoid emotional stress to the conscious mind.  Check.

Depersonalization is the loss of one’s sense of personal identity.  A feeling of being unreal, detached or unable to feel emotion.  Check.

Derealization is the psychological symptom in which the world appears to be unreal, and the patient has a sense of detachment from it.  Oh yes, double-check that one.

Bravo.  Three more diseases to add to my list.

But there is another definition of the word which I find most interesting.  In the military (which I hate by the way), a detachment is the separation of a unit from the main body for particular purpose or a special mission.

Ha! ha!  In your face, Psychology!  Life has put me aside for a particular purpose to accomplish a special mission.  Oh yeah.

Now if only I can find out what it is…
Perhaps I should join the military…

Fuck that, I’ll stick with levitation.