While I was trapped at the bottom of my depression, I started imagining what I would be like after death. Would my soul go on living? Did I even have a soul? I didn’t know. There was no way to know.
I read some articles on spirituality, trying to find something logical or meaningful to hang on to. I couldn’t just decide to believe things I didn’t believe in. Belief is based on experience. My own experience, not other people’s experiences.
That’s the problem with the Bible. It is a written account of other people’s spiritual experiences. Not mine. I have no way of knowing if any of it is true.
I joined an ex-Christian forum and I was reading some posts in the spirituality section. I remember the topic was “The Higher Self”. People were discussing this subject, and at one point a guy said: “I imagine that the higher-self is my future self. The future me.”
This idea struck me. The Future Me… how interesting.
I’m very familiar with the “past” me, because I’ve been keeping a personal journal, or a diary since I was 19. So I am able to go back to the “past me” just by reading my journal. I would even be able to help the past me, if only he could hear me and believe that I exist.
Now, extrapolate this idea to the present. I know there is a past me, a present me, and a future me. This is something I can believe which makes some sense to me. If the present me can go back and help the past me (if only the past me believed that I existed and could hear me), then why couldn’t the future me come back and help the present me? All I had to do was believe that he existed and “hear” him.
Is this a crazy idea or what!
Crazy or not, it’s something I could cling to because it kind of made sense to me. It gave me hope. And when you’re severely depressed and hopeless, you grab onto anything.
I couldn’t get this idea out of my mind anyway. It’s the only hope I had left (that and being abducted by aliens), so one day I decided to take a step in that direction.
I was at home, sitting on the sofa, alone. The house was quiet. It was around 9:30 a.m. I remember the date, it was in September 2012. I decided to acknowledge the presence of the future me, right here right now.
Well lo and behold, something happened!
This is what I want to share on this blog. I hope I will be able to find the words.